I have a confession to make.

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest!

I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.

In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications.

For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further.

I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like.

But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black.

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05
Jun

Is the virus an opportunity for us to evolve and come out of it better than before?

The industry is being very responsive and coming up with lots of ideas, like allowing artists to keep earning by adding donate buttons on streaming platforms. Some organisations are making grants available, some are discounting their streaming platforms, whereas others are allowing artists and fans to sign up for free. We expect to see many online services partnering with one another to combine their overall membership offerings, such as Soundcloud and Twitch. And we are very interested to see what the major global companies do and how they respond to these new and unknown market conditions. Musicians, performers, artists comedians and several actors are using social media to engage wit their fans like never before. https://www.newsandstar.co.uk/news/18361081.stars-social-media-help-lift-spirits/ Many performers are moving their live show to Facebook Live and while many artists have given lessons before in person, most have never given an online lesson. Since the start of the COVID-19 outbreak, Zoom, a video calling app, has been downloaded 50 million times on the Google Play Store alone according to BBC. https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-musicians-can-advance-their-careers-despite-covid-19/ Apple Music is quietly making a $50m advance fund avilable for independent labels and distributors, to support the indie sector with vital cashflow during the uncertainty of global COVID-19 lock-down. https://www.musicbusinessworldwide.com/apple-music-launches-50m-advance-fund-for-independent-labels-hit-by-covid-19-impact/ Even famous musicians like Chris Martin of Coldplay, Hunter Hayes, Keith Urban, and Backstreet Boys have already performed or are scheduled to perform online performances as most concerts have been canceled. James Naleski, a musician and social media marketer who’s trained under songwriter Azara and interned under Grammy-award winner Will Champlin, believes this is the perfect opportunity for musicians to branch out and expand their following. When asked about the current situation musicians are coming face to face with, Naleski responded, “Now more than ever, it is important for people, especially artists and musicians to stay connected while we are all quarantined. Various musicians are doing an exceptional job of using their platforms and live videos to relate to their fans. In particular, Hunter Hayes has begun streaming-live high-quality concerts on YouTube to help people stay united.” For most people stuck at home during this time, it’s been the perfect time to finally get back into home studios and produce. Some of the greatest artists wrote masterpieces while in isolation. When The Beatles were coming to an end, Paul McCartney hid himself in his St John’s Wood house in London, where he wrote and recorded his solo album, McCartney, by himself. It was in this period of isolation that he wrote one of his greatest songs of all time, “Maybe I’m Amazed” as a tribute to his wife Linda at the time. Bon Iver wrote his debut album, For Emma, Forever Ago while alone in a cabin. Prince wrote Dirty Mind, Stevie Wonder wrote Innervisions, and Steve Winwood wrote Arc of a Diver in isolation. Tyler Donahue, Founder at Aessential Store states that: "While many creatives are concerned with where their next paycheck is going to come from, others are beginning to take advantage of the forced isolation of COVID-19. By transforming your live shows into Facebook live shows, offering music lessons, and stepping back into the studio for intentional, dedicated production time, you can come out ahead of this virus better than you entered". How practical these ideas are in real terms, only time will tell, and we will keep an eye out for scams, as in this very sad and challenging time it’s inevitable that many will try to profit from COVID – 19, by introducing unethical and downright crooked practices. We are making it our mission to name and shame projects and organisations that are under scrutiny and suspect, and encourage our members to do the same. The Independent Musicians and Performers Community powered by Jeeni is for everyone and anyone creative: musicians, voice-artists, performers, poets, singer-songwriters ... hey, the list is endless. We aim to connect, collaborate, share and support each other, while we have fun and make a real difference. Come and join us today https://www.facebook.com/groups/2529935880656436/about/

06
Jun

Waiting for the Harvest in Business

By Kelli Richards, Managing Director, Jeeni USA As an entrepreneur and/or a self-employed professional, have you ever been in a situation where a game-changing opportunity presented itself to you in business? Something that could “overnight” propel you to a different level of success and financial freedom? Only to find that the brass ring was further away than you thought? And while the opportunity seemed to be realistic and close at hand, it remained elusive for a long period of time; sometimes years at times? I’ve been in such a situation with not one but several ‘big deal’ business opportunities over the past few years. I won’t lie; it has been a trying experience, ranging from being annoying, frustrating and even gut-wrenching — waiting for the dominos to fall and for the scales of justice to be balanced in my favor. Holding my breath and waiting to exhale. Friends and colleagues have expressed concern and wonder if I’ve lost my mind holding out hope that one or several of these deals will come to fruition. But I know in my heart of hearts that these opportunities are real — and I need to ride the wave and exercise every ounce of patience and trust that I have. Lately, I’ve felt the life force of these opportunities building in strength, and I see light at the end of very long and dark tunnel — it genuinely appears as though the time is growing nearer for them to manifest at last. I look forward to that happening with great zeal and anticipation, knowing my patience will be rewarded and that I’ll experience great relief on the other side. As I was taking my morning hike the other day in the forest surrounded by trees, I experienced an Ah-Ha! insight that took me aback… I grew up surrounded by fruit orchards. When you plant a fruit tree, you don’t expect it to bear fruit for a few years — but once it starts doing so, it typically delivers wonderful fruit for many years to follow; it’s an investment in patience and trust. Duh! It occurred to me that each of these ‘big deals’ I’ve been waiting on has been like one of these trees — each one has had to come to maturity at its own time, when it was ready, and not a moment before. As they do, my colleagues and I stand to benefit from their rewards for many years to come. If you’ve been in a similar situation, take heart and keep the faith; I hope this dose of perspective serves you and will give you strength to stay the course. Though many of us are rabbits in practice (and sometimes deals do come together at a faster clip), the tortoise knows that “slow and steady” wins the race. A good reminder for us all! Kelli Richards Consultant – Super-Connector Trusted Advisor – Celebrity Wrangler Creating Powerful Connections Across Music, Entertainment and Technology With a unique talent for connecting thought leaders and disrupters from technology with innovators from entertainment, CEO Kelli Richards guides her clients to create big visions, make big connections and achieve big results. Prior to establishing The All Access Group, Kelli made waves in senior-level positions at Fortune 100 entertainment and technology companies including EMI Music, Silicon Graphics (SGI)– and Apple Inc., where she launched Apple’s earliest focus on music & entertainment, driving initiatives in that space during her 12 years with the company. Over the course of the last 25 years, Kelli has been fortunate to have had the opportunity to work and collaborate with many people that have been instrumental in defining their respective fields—some have even become iconic. Steve Jobs, Mark Cuban, Sheryl Sandberg, Stewart Copeland, Nancy Duarte, Todd Rundgren, Alan Cohen to name a few, have all been personal mentors, colleagues, or clients. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

03
Sep

Mel's World

Today, Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we're ahead of our original schedule, but there's still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here's one of Mel's latest! This place is neither a home nor a prison. It is some sort of institution. It drips a pallid 1980s atmosphere, and it makes me both afraid and excited. I am completely lost in a badly-lit labyrinth of corridors. It feels like I am being toyed with, and I want to leave. Of course I know the rules by now, and the most important rule of all is that I must keep my social distance of an arms-length and avoid physical contact with any other lost souls who wander these passages. They are creepy. They look more like ghosts than real people. Their eyes are disturbing. Sometimes they stare ahead vacantly, sometimes their staring gazes flick to the left and then to the right in a zombie rhythm. I cannot see their noses or their mouths, because they are covered by coloured masks. My own mouth is not covered at all. My own mouth gapes wide open. I think I feel hungry. I think I am searching for food. Perhaps I will find a piece of fruit, or maybe one of those pills I am encouraged to consume. As I turn a corner, I nearly collide with one of the ghostly figures. But I keep calm. I do not panic. I simply turn away and move as fast as I can. Which is not very fast at all. I can sense another presence around the next corner. The passages are only wide enough for one soul to pass at a time. I feel rather hopeless. I feel quite trapped. I think there is a distinct possibility that very soon I will lose my life. I think I need to build a wall before my time runs out. I know how to build a wall, I have had plenty of practice. The bottom rows of bricks slot into place without much trouble. But the more I seem to succeed, the more difficult my masonic task becomes. The stupid smaller bricks take on a will of their own, and the larger bricks feel clumsy in my hands. My wall is becoming a mess. There are big gaps in the structure where an enemy might get through. There are little gaps in the structure where a virus can penetrate. I think I'd better get out of here. I think I'd better find me a new space, one with some ladders to climb up and ledges to crawl along. Perhaps if I navigate these ladders and ledges, I can find my way out. And will you look up there! High above the ladders, almost out of sight, there is a young woman in a purple frock. She is in obvious distress. She calls out to me. Her flame-red hair cascades around her face, and then blows backwards. Which is bizarre, because there is no wind to speak of. Now she screams out, the same word over and over again. The word is help. Her cry is too theatrical. She has a big nose, like Princess Diana, or Pete Townshend. I am not very interested in her. I am much more interested in the beer. It believe that the beer is stored in big wooden barrels, stacked up in strategic places, and seemingly too heavy to be manhandled. But I am able to pick up any barrel I like, magically, without a problem, because I am unnaturally strong. And I am very, very hairy, from tip to toe. If I was once Pacman, now I am the mighty Kong. It has been many years since the viral invaders arrived from the Far East. The Space Invaders. At first the effects of their invasion were only faintly amusing, but then they grew rather attractive, and strangely exciting, and eventually they became quite addictive, even all-consuming. But as with all invasions, their glamour grew dull and they eventually lost their grip on power and faded into folk-memory. Recently, my domestic patterns have been disrupted, just like everyone else's. I have been procrastinating. I have been clearing out the cupboard under the stairs. Which is how I came across this old crate that has been gathering dust for longer than I can remember. Near the top of the crate there was a sleeping collection of very old videogame cassettes, many of which I had published myself. And beneath those old games there were some vintage machines in their original boxes. Once I'd worked out which of their black power supplies went into which of their grubby little holes, they sprang back into life to display crude blocky graphics on their silly little screens. It's been decades since I played Pacman, or Tetris, or Donkey Kong. And the last time I played Space Invaders, silly haircuts were compulsory and Margaret Thatcher was driving around in a tank. When this shitstorm is over, and when I am able to go free-range again, I wonder how long it will take me to forget about all the ghosts in all the corridors from all those bygone times. As for the flame-haired damsel in distress, I remember her name clearly. Her name was Pauline Daniella Verducci Lady Louise. She was less than an inch tall. She was a drip. The beer was virtual. It still is. Jeeni Creator, Mel Croucher - badly in need of a haircut Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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