I have a confession to make.

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest!

I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.

In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications.

For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further.

I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like.

But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black.

Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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17
Dec

Weekly Round-Up # 6

The latest news on all things Jeeni, music and entertainment. BRITs Rising Star Award, 2022 Announced: Last time on Weekly Round-Up, we spoke about the three female stars nominated for the ‘2022 Rising Star’. Lola Young, Bree Runway and Holly Humberstone were all up for the chance to earn the prestigious honour. Last Thursday, much to her disbelief, 2019 ‘BRIT Rising Star’ winner, Sam Fender personally handed Holly Humberstone her well-deserved trophy during a recording session together. Humberstone couldn’t quite believe her achievement at first and had to be reassured several times by Fender, “That is yours, that is definitely yours, you’ve won it!” he clarified. Holly was still looking around to the surrounding BRITs crew, caught off-guard, “There’s loads of cameras on me, how am I supposed to react?” she laughed. “It just doesn’t feel real. This year has been a wild ride and a year of firsts, and I am so grateful and thankful for everyone who has helped make this happen!” Holly is also the first confirmed performer for the 2022 BRITs awards, taking place at the O2 Arena on Tuesday, the 8th of February. Rising Cases of the Omicron Cases not Currently Risking Future Plans for Live Music: An overshadowing feeling has been hovering over the heads of live music fans lately, which feels all too alike to the same sensation from mid 2020 when our light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel plans were slowly but surely getting postponed one-by-one. Everyone however, not just music fans are keeping their ears to the ground for any information about the newest variant of concern, Omicron. One or two gigs have been cancelled recently so if you're an artist, make sure you check that your gig can still go ahead and for music fans, keep your ears open for news around gigs you're going to. Some good news; The UK’s, Health and Social Care Secretary, Sajid Javid said that “A record 548,039 booster vaccines were administered yesterday as we ramp up our vaccination programme and bolster our defences against the virus.” (Referring to Tuesday, the 14th). However, in the US, experts predict a ‘perfect storm’ this Winter as Omicron, Delta and seasonal flu will create a pandemic trifecta that will overwhelm hospitals. Details are currently unconfirmed about the transmissibility, and severity of symptoms from the Omicron virus and so many are still holding their breath for their future plans such as gigs, festivals and holidays. So far, they are largely untouched, it’s just difficult to say for how long. Top Albums of the Year Lists Released: Each year, every major music publication curates their own summary of the past year of music with a carefully positioned list of the ‘best albums’ the year had to offer. December tends to be a good time to release such lists as this is when releases tend to dry up, slow down and recharge for the new year. In the world of hip-hop, Grisleda’s Mach-Hommy appeared on lists like CRACK, Esquire, Pitchfork, Paste and Fader for his gritty, truth-telling record, ‘Pray For Haiti’. Tyler, The Creator featured on much of the same lists for his 'IGOR' follow-up ‘Call Me If You Get Lost’ as well as hitting number 4 on Rolling Stone’s list. Madlib’s Four Tet-arranged record, ‘Sound Ancestors’ also made a splash on the lists considering its nature as a hip-hop instrumental album. Perhaps unfairly but not surprisingly, Kanye’s ‘Donda’ was certainly a rare occurrence on the lists. ‘Promises’, the mesmerising collaboration with Floating Points and John Coltrane partner, Pharoah Sanders justifyably made a lasting impression with the majority of publications for its ground-breaking achievements in structuring, genre-blurring and pure emotion provoking. Reaching number 1 on Paste and 4 on Pitchfork, the time-altering project certainly got the respect it deserved. Jazmine Sullivan’s ‘Heaux Tales’ made a massive impression on publications, finding its way on the top ten list of Rolling Stone and Fader and becoming the champion top spot of Pitchfork and Vulture’s lists. The album was an RnB empowerment for women, everywhere and resonated with many a music critic this year. These lists often conjoin to form very similar and topical elections for the best of what the year had to offer, however, the lists are such a great tool to pan for gold and find those precious, hidden gems that make their way on the lists. This year, amongst the gems hid albums like ‘Daddy’s Home’ by St. Vincent, Squid’s ‘Bright Green Field’ and ‘Cavalcade’ by black midi, however many more obscure features on these lists are still waiting to be explored fully. Jeeni News: New Artists Join Jeeni’s Mission: This week, we introduced three new, exciting artists; Lennox Campbell (aka Biggz Manifest), Giack Bazz and Khole Baldeo. We can’t wait to see what they do next and what we can do for their blossoming careers! New blogs on Jeeni’s newest artists: Earlier this week, we featured four new Jeeni artists as a part of our Artist Focus blog series; the South-coast soulstress, Amba Tremain, pop-funk trio, Barbudo, indie experimentalist, Giack Bazz and Portsmouth rapper, Baby Panna. We also released reviews of Amba Tremain’s ‘Baby You’re Gold’ single, Giack Bazz’s ‘Childhood Dream’ album and DarkStarGraver’s ‘Gohan’ single. Check out the showcases of these excellent artists: DarkStarGraver: https://jeeni.com/showcase/darkstargraver Giack Bazz: https://jeeni.com/showcase/giack-bazz Lennox Campbell: https://jeeni.com/?s=lennox+campbell Amba Tremain: https://jeeni.com/showcase/amba-tremain Barbudo: https://jeeni.com/showcase/barbudo Baby Panna: https://jeeni.com/showcase/baby-panna Khole Baldeo: https://jeeni.com/?s=khole+baldeo

06
Jun

Mel Croucher - Multimedia Entertainment - Ahead of his Time.

Today, Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we're ahead of our original schedule, but there's still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here's one of Mel's latest! I produced my first multi-media entertainment at the age of eight. It was a birthday gift for my mum. I called it Smellyvision. TV sets had begun to appear in the cleaner homes down my street, but my family was still years away from owning one of those magic boxes with their nine-inch screens. So I made my own. I took a cardboard box and cut a porthole in it, and used my mum's crank-handle mangle to scroll up the storyline that I drew on the reverse of a yard of wallpaper. The soundtrack lasted just under three minutes, which determined the length of my entertainment. It was a recording by the singing cowboy Roy Rogers, played on a shellac disc that spun at 78 revolutions a minute, also driven by a manual crank. But the best bits of my Smellyvision show were the different pongs that accompanied each segment of the story. I can still feel the sting of my mum's flattened hand because I had used her special perfume to enhance the production. The scent was called Evening In Paris, and had been maturing in a little blue bottle too precious to use since the 1930s. I sourced the smell of horses after the coalman's wagon had passed by, and that didn't go down well with my mum either. But how can you have a multimedia show about cowgirls and cowboys without perfume and horseshit? Capcom had exactly the same idea for their videogame Resident Evil 7, and I was not in the least surprised to discover that it too was horseshit. It was marketed as a "4D candle smelling of old timber and blood", with the brand name Blood, Sweat And Fears, and a burning time of 18 hours. The idea was to fire up the stinking candle to enhance gameplay, having handed over fifteen dollars for the privilege. As I have already said, it was crap, unless of course you managed to knock over the candle during your gaming frenzy, and emulate the zombies in the game by setting fire to your face. It wasn’t the first time that Resident Evil had been used to extort money for idiotic multimedia ideas. Back in 2005, there was a crummy accessory for the Nintendo Game Cube device called the Resident Evil 4 Chainsaw Controller. It was nothing more than a standard Game Cube handset with a vibrator unit and a "realistic chainsaw roar", that sounded like a wasp trapped in a jam jar. But gamers seemed to be willing to lay out fifty dollars for the privilege of acting like dorks, so what do I know. In fact Nintendo are serial abusers when it comes to dopey add-ons. Who can forget their Super Scope wireless light gun? Well, just about everybody, it turns out. It was a truly dreadful lump of overpriced plastic that only worked with a handful of games, and devoured AA batteries at the rate of six every four hours. And how about the Nintendo Power Pad which cost anything up to two hundred bucks way back in the 1980s. This was nothing more than a little shiny mat with a dozen or so pressure sensors in it. The idea was to jump around its red and blue squishy bits in order to trigger actions during video gameplay, and break your ankles in doing so. That's why most players resorted to cheating, by going down on all fours and using their fists to bash it into submission, My favourite Nintendo multimedia device is the DK Bongo. It's a totally stupid pair of miniature bongo drums, which suits me just fine. There's a built-in microphone to monitor my bongo-playing skills, and help track my progress as I play along to some of the worst music tracks in recorded history. To be honest, it works just as well if I clap my hands or produce fart noises, but sometimes honesty is not the best policy. After years of misuse, my DK Bongo still works fine and gives me innocent pleasure. Which brings me back to Resident Evil. Since its launch, the Resident Evil series has generated just over one billion dollars, making it the most profitable videogame spin-off in history. The only reward I ever got for my Smellyvision efforts was a sore arse. But I have never claimed to be a profiteer in these matters, only that when it comes to multi-media innovation I have always been way ahead of my time. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

12
Jul

The People's Lounge - The Turbans

The Turbans is an international musical collective bringing together exciting music from traditional near-eastern and eastern-European styles and their own compositions. To create a modern and energetic performance with reverence for its ancient roots. Growing from the intertwining paths of many talented musicians travelling the world. This extraordinary project has grown in a few years from very humble beginnings, into a progressive name on the London music scene. You can catch The Turbans at the Global Bandstand Weekender presented by The People’s Lounge. At the Southsea Bandstand Portsmouth. It's members have gathered from countries such as Turkey, Bulgaria, Israel, Italy, Greece and England to perform in concerts and festivals around the UK, Turkey, India and Europe. The Turbans is independent and run by the musicians themselves, bringing music to the public, young and old alike. Meanwhile mixing vibrant spontaneity and authenticity with multi-genre instrumental and vocal excellence. Drawing on the rich cultural heritage of the Levantine and Balkan regions and their roots in Turkey, Bulgaria, Iran, Greece, Spain, Tunisia, Morocco and London. To create a high energy blend of original music for the 21st century, inspired by ancient melodies. Artists The Turbans are the type of creative talent that Jeeni supports on our platform. By creating showcases, supporting creative talent and promoting them to an audience on jeeni.com In a politically divided time, it’s hard to imagine a band comprised of members from across Europe and the Levant as not being inherently progressive. However, transmitting a political message was not their initial impulse. It was simply music. As well as friendship, as it turns out. Oshan Mahony, the “seventh best guitar player in the band” says the core group is seven members — met violinist Darius Luke Thompson in Kathmandu. The two half-Iranian, half-British nomads immediately hit it off. They began busking throughout India, picking up musicians along their Journey. The Turbans is rounded out by vocalist and guitarist Miroslav Morski, a former Bulgarian pop star who previously fronted the band. Django Ze, and has been described as a “musical tornado” with a broad range of musical styles; Greek folk music expert, vocalist Pavlos Mavromatakis; cajon player and flamenco guitarist Pablo Dominguez, whose father, Chano, is a well-known flamenco pianist; Israeli guitarist Moshe Zehavi, who parents are from Turkey and Tunisia; and oud player Maxim Shchedrovitzki, a native of Belarus. In addition to beyond the core group, the band is always playing with other musicians. Seven years later The Turbans delivers to global audiences the same high-energy blend of Balkan, klezmer, Gypsy, and sundry other styles they’ve been bringing to venues around the world for years. In India, Hong Kong, the Middle East, and all throughout Europe and North America. JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience. Firstly we give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. Secondly we empower our audience and reward them every step of the way.Thirdly we promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect. Lastly and most importantly they keep 100% of everything they make. Check out Flamingods showcase here on Jeeni: The Turbans | Showcase | JEENI. Along with other showcases to add to your playlist. Also, you can find out more about their appearance at The Global BandStand Weekender. Presented by The People's Lounge, at the Southsea Bandstand Portsmouth. Sunday 1st August at 17:00

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