I have a confession to make.

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest!

I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.

In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications.

For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further.

I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like.

But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black.

Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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10
Jun

Top 5 Acoustic Guitar Brands

Here at Jeeni.com we celebrate and support all musicians and performers to showcase their work and earn 100% of their sales, ticketing, merchandise and donations. Last week Jeeni returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. We have been very encouraged with the positive response as we reached our target in just 6 days and are now overfunding. If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Here is a really interesting blog by Bree Noble. Who produces the best acoustic guitars in the world? What brand is great for beginners? What price range fits me well? The answer to these questions can be subjective. Everybody has their parameters to judge the quality of the instruments. To be purely objective, we will be looking at overall instrument quality, brand reputation, and popularity. With these parameters, it’s possible for us to at least come up with a list of the best acoustic guitar brands. We’ve included a range of brands–some are known for making some of the world’s best-sounding guitars, and others are known for making economically priced guitars that swing well above their weight class in terms of build quality, tone and playability, Here are our top picks: #5. Yamaha–The Best Value Guitars You probably weren’t expecting to see Yamaha as our 5th pick on a list of top acoustic guitar brands. However, Yamaha is a brand that’s been praised for consistent quality and economical price range, allowing them to provide the best value for money. Most leading manufacturers have an economical line of guitars that caters to all budgets. Still, you often end up paying more for the brand itself rather than paying for the quality of the instrument. And like us, if you ever played a poorly-made acoustic while learning, you know just how frustrating the endeavour can get. However, while Yamaha guitars are recognised for value, many influential and legendary musicians have performed with Yamaha instruments, especially in the 70s such as John Lennon, John Denver, Bob Dylan and Carlos Santana. Today, it can be quite rare to see experts playing Yamaha acoustics, but the brand remains an excellent choice for those looking out for quality construction at an affordable price. You also can find some of the high-end Yamaha acoustics at most major music stores. #4. Gibson–For Players Who Want A Piece Of History Most novices and regular people have likely heard of Gibson–it’s a brand name seen on stages and in studios around the world. Gibson has been making quality guitars for over 100 years. Professional & expert musicians widely use both their acoustic-guitars and their electric guitars. Most Gibson acoustic-guitars are made of all solid wood, and even though Gibson is a large corporation, their acoustics are all still made by hand at their factory in Montana rather than a cheap, mass-produced guitar. The difference between a high-end, handmade one and factory mass-produced one can be significant. #3. Guild–For Those Looking For A Player’s Guitar Guild has been making and producing quality guitars since the 1950s. The guild as a brand, unfortunately, doesn’t have the mainstream popularity of Gibson or Fender yet, it’s still the preferred instrument of many professionals such as legendary musician Doyle Dykes who plays a Guild guitar and has his signature model, a stunning grand orchestra guitar launched in 2012. Guild guitars are frequently described as having a unique ‘sound’. To us, they have a brilliant sort of clarity about them, with punchy and natural-sounding bass. Guild is a company that has been bought out several times, and its tumultuous history may explain why it isn’t as well known or as mainstream as Martin or Taylor. The company was also famous for producing electric archtop guitars during the 1950s and 1960s. As archtops fell out of favour, the guild began moving back to creating acoustics. The company’s focus on excellent build quality and top-class materials means that their guitars are a pure joy to play. #2. Martin–Classic Tone, Classic Style Martin is the manufacturer responsible for introducing the dreadnought body shape, X bracing, and other key innovations to the world of acoustic guitars. Their amazingly responsive dreadnoughts are often used as bluegrass instruments, and they sound great when being played fingerstyle, too. However, their rich tone lends itself well to just about any musical style. The best-known Martin guitar is probably the D-28. This all solid spruce and rosewood dreadnought has both deep bass response and the sparkling nuances of rosewood. From the body shape to the tonewood configuration, it’s what a lot of people would consider the classical acoustic guitar. Martin is a brand steeped in history, but their guitars aren’t without modern touches–acoustic-electric models have sophisticated electronics (usually by Fishman), and the brand has a connection to pop superstar Ed Sheeran. Because Sheeran often played Little Martins onstage, he collaborated with Martin to produce his signature, Little Martins. #1. Taylor–Nuanced, Modern Sound Taylor produces almost every conceivable type of acoustic guitar you could ask for. From ornately-inlaid limited editions to affordable, durable instruments, you can find something that’s perfect for most budgets and playing styles. They’re also refreshing to listen to. To our ears, Taylor guitars have a light, almost airy sound that suits modern singer-songwriters exceptionally well. One thing that really sets a Taylor guitar apart is the Expression System pickups on acoustic-electric models. The pickup system sits behind the saddle (rather than under it). The pickup isn’t compressed like a standard under-saddle pickup; the sound ends up being more natural. Taylor has also pioneered a new bracing style, which experts believe is a step up from traditional X bracing. Taylor’s V-class bracing is designed to let the soundboard vibrate more freely, resulting in improved sound and sustain. This video offers a demo of some of V-class Taylor guitars. Whether you’re in search of a fast-playing bluegrass guitar or something to play relaxing slow songs on, one of these brands offers it. Let us know who your top picks/brands are? Add your thoughts in the comments section, and please share this article if you liked it! Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

06
Jun

Mel Croucher - Multimedia Entertainment - Ahead of his Time.

Today, Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we're ahead of our original schedule, but there's still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here's one of Mel's latest! I produced my first multi-media entertainment at the age of eight. It was a birthday gift for my mum. I called it Smellyvision. TV sets had begun to appear in the cleaner homes down my street, but my family was still years away from owning one of those magic boxes with their nine-inch screens. So I made my own. I took a cardboard box and cut a porthole in it, and used my mum's crank-handle mangle to scroll up the storyline that I drew on the reverse of a yard of wallpaper. The soundtrack lasted just under three minutes, which determined the length of my entertainment. It was a recording by the singing cowboy Roy Rogers, played on a shellac disc that spun at 78 revolutions a minute, also driven by a manual crank. But the best bits of my Smellyvision show were the different pongs that accompanied each segment of the story. I can still feel the sting of my mum's flattened hand because I had used her special perfume to enhance the production. The scent was called Evening In Paris, and had been maturing in a little blue bottle too precious to use since the 1930s. I sourced the smell of horses after the coalman's wagon had passed by, and that didn't go down well with my mum either. But how can you have a multimedia show about cowgirls and cowboys without perfume and horseshit? Capcom had exactly the same idea for their videogame Resident Evil 7, and I was not in the least surprised to discover that it too was horseshit. It was marketed as a "4D candle smelling of old timber and blood", with the brand name Blood, Sweat And Fears, and a burning time of 18 hours. The idea was to fire up the stinking candle to enhance gameplay, having handed over fifteen dollars for the privilege. As I have already said, it was crap, unless of course you managed to knock over the candle during your gaming frenzy, and emulate the zombies in the game by setting fire to your face. It wasn’t the first time that Resident Evil had been used to extort money for idiotic multimedia ideas. Back in 2005, there was a crummy accessory for the Nintendo Game Cube device called the Resident Evil 4 Chainsaw Controller. It was nothing more than a standard Game Cube handset with a vibrator unit and a "realistic chainsaw roar", that sounded like a wasp trapped in a jam jar. But gamers seemed to be willing to lay out fifty dollars for the privilege of acting like dorks, so what do I know. In fact Nintendo are serial abusers when it comes to dopey add-ons. Who can forget their Super Scope wireless light gun? Well, just about everybody, it turns out. It was a truly dreadful lump of overpriced plastic that only worked with a handful of games, and devoured AA batteries at the rate of six every four hours. And how about the Nintendo Power Pad which cost anything up to two hundred bucks way back in the 1980s. This was nothing more than a little shiny mat with a dozen or so pressure sensors in it. The idea was to jump around its red and blue squishy bits in order to trigger actions during video gameplay, and break your ankles in doing so. That's why most players resorted to cheating, by going down on all fours and using their fists to bash it into submission, My favourite Nintendo multimedia device is the DK Bongo. It's a totally stupid pair of miniature bongo drums, which suits me just fine. There's a built-in microphone to monitor my bongo-playing skills, and help track my progress as I play along to some of the worst music tracks in recorded history. To be honest, it works just as well if I clap my hands or produce fart noises, but sometimes honesty is not the best policy. After years of misuse, my DK Bongo still works fine and gives me innocent pleasure. Which brings me back to Resident Evil. Since its launch, the Resident Evil series has generated just over one billion dollars, making it the most profitable videogame spin-off in history. The only reward I ever got for my Smellyvision efforts was a sore arse. But I have never claimed to be a profiteer in these matters, only that when it comes to multi-media innovation I have always been way ahead of my time. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

02
Feb

I K 8OY - ‘Let You Know’, single review

Stirring together afroswing with tuneful rapping, the first official release from Nigerian/British rapper, I K 8OY is a shimmering and glossy UK hip-hop achievement. A new addition to Jeeni, I K 8OY began creating music back in Nigeria as a part of a band and moved to the UK to study. He began writing and recording music more centered around rap in 2018 however, like many artists, the pandemic caused a change in creative direction and I K began to take more inspiration from home and incorporated afrobeat ideas into his work. Jeeni is looking forward to propelling I K 8OY and increasing his outreach with our global platform. The smooth, silky nature of 'Let You Know' is reminiscent of J Hus’s debut album, ‘Common Sense’. This likeness is particularly due to a grand approach to production and the luxurious electronic keyboard which warbles the jazzy chords across the syncopated beats. A jazz-scaling saxophone is positioned in the distant right of the stereo space and does an incredible job in advancing the suaveness and confidence of the track. The tuning of percussive instruments, heard clearest in the intro, is archetypal of traditional Nigerian instrumentation such as the Dùndún or ‘Talking Drum’. A plucking palm-muted guitar then joins the tuned percussion and creates an ingenious polyrhythm that sits underneath the main beat. Although subtle, this attention given to the beat is such an effective device and really separates this track from other progressions in UK hip-hop genres. I K’s voice is gravely, authoritative and demands your attention, so it’s certainly not coincidental that I K 8OY has named Rick Ross as one of his main influences. His rushed and unique rap delivery is catching to the ear and contrasts with the easygoing instrumental accompaniment. Stay tuned, because if ‘Let You Know’ is anything to go by, I K 8OY is just getting warmed up. Album review Check out I K 8OY’s Jeeni Showcase here: https://jeeni.com/showcase/zhgeii1xjlpg/ How can Jeeni support artists like I K 8OY? JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience. • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make. • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way. • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect. • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team.

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