I have a confession to make.

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest!

I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.

In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications.

For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further.

I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like.

But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black.

Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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06
Jun

For the Love of words - why writing it out makes the best therapy.

By Sammie Venn. Jeeni's Official Writer, Columnist and Blogger I have been an avid bookworm all my life. I used to read under the covers by torchlight when I was little and wake up bleary eyed but full of wonder. Delving into alternative worlds until the early hours, I would write stories and music imagining I was part of those mystical realms. Even though I was only 10 I understood the power of words. Their lyricism was captivating, and the songs I wrote became part of me, despite the fact that I could not hit a single note on key. My grandmother was an Opera singer, so my dulcet tones were put to shame, but it never stopped me belting out a melody in the shower as I grew older. Little did I know that verse would be my go-to therapy and expression of humanity in later life. Art in any form is therapeutic. Macklemore wrote that “Music moves people. It connects them in ways that no other medium can. It pulls heart strings. It acts as medicine” . Whether it is playing an instrument, reading, painting or writing, creative activity in any guise will have a positive impact on our mental health. Music is to the soul what words are to the mind, it’s all about turning a cacophony of phrases into poetic verse. I have always described it as a cathartic vent; enabling a confrontation between the most of powerful demons as well as deepest desires. Poetry is my chosen genre these days; it helps to make sense of chaotic thoughts in a non-sensical way. Iambic pentameter, rhythm and rhyme gives a structure to the subconscious and coherence to thought. David Richo author of “How to be an adult” said that “Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us - Our tears are precious, necessary, and part of what make us such endearing creatures.” Just like a piece of music, giving your thoughts a physical shape helps them to form a new arrangement. Why not spend 10/15 minutes a day brain dumping. I always finish a liberating mind sweep with a gratitude list. It helps me to feel invigorated and more energised. Write from your heart, not your mind. Get those words down on a page, it doesn’t have to be rational, make sense to others or be the next prize winning tome. Writing therapy is about you as an individual clearing headspace for renewal and recovery. Don’t censor or perfect just let your feelings be part of a free flow process. Tune into those emotions, stay as present as you can with them and let the page hold onto them so you don’t have to. Fictionalise yourself. Create a third person version of you - I have employed this technique numerous times it is like writing for self-knowledge. The plethora of journals that sit on my bookshelves describe hope, abundance, love, passion, desire, fear and all manner of emotions in between. In understanding how I wanted to feel, I was able to get creative and fall in love with a whole new way of being. As the Beatles so appropriately said “take a sad song and make it better”. So I would like to share one of my poems with you its called “ Wild Child”.

04
Feb

Calling All Graduates Looking For Work, Jeeni Officially Partners With Gradfuel to Create 654 New Jobs!!

Kickstart is a governmental scheme, introduced by Rishi Sunak as a response to the pandemic and the difficulty it created in employment for young people. Since its introduction last September, the initiative has boosted the careers of over 100,000 young people in the UK. This scheme has provided hope for young people who are trying to find their passion, career and purpose at a time when they need it most. Jeeni has been working with our specialist partners, Gradfuel who are consultants for the Department of Work and Pensions, which is where the Kickstart grant funding comes from. It’s a great opportunity for companies like Jeeni to bring keen young graduates on board for a minimum of six months, and scale up the business. Also, there’s no financial risk, with over £8,000 worth of grant money to support each young person taken on board. Gradfuel has worked with over 20,000 graduates and have been praised by companies such as ‘Fethr’ and ‘Thursday’. Apply to Gradfuel here: https://careers.gradfuel.co/kickstart-application-j/ That's why Jeeni is so proud to be making good use of the Kickstart scheme with Gradfuel, to train, support and build the portfolios of people aged 16-24 and on universal credit. The Kickstart scheme can be essential for both employers and employees, because young companies can build a workforce at no cost at all to them, and young people get paid positions in the industry of their passion. The Government provides the grants to cover 100% of wages and national insurance contributions for well-qualified, pre-screened young workers on universal credit. The positions span across 6 months for up to 25 hours work a week and you receive a £1,500 cash injection into your business for each new person you take on with Kickstart. Although the governmental Kickstart scheme itself provides this crucial helping hand for companies and graduates, websites like Gradfuel are vital in guiding those graduates to the perfect Kickstart role for their careers. Gradfuel is a mediator between the Kickstart scheme and those it was designed to help. They provide an interpersonal and proactive connection to young people looking for a career path and “matches you with the perfect graduate jobs”. As of right now, Gradfuel have carried out over 100,000 conversations with their clients about their future and career opportunities. The pool of possibilities after education can seem endless and overwhelming, so a company like Gradfuel that takes you by the hand and leads you to a company that needs you as much as you need them is an extraordinarily valuable service. Our partners, Gradfuel are the experts in the market, and have raised £18.7m in Kickstart grant funding so far. Gradfuel have had a 99.5% success rate in their applications, against the market average of 22%, supporting over 1,400 companies to process their Kickstart applications. Jeeni can personally attest to the effectiveness and value of using the Kickstart scheme through Gradfuel. Zak Ahmed, Jeeni’s HR specialist had this to say about the opportunity, “The Kickstart Scheme has helped me gain the vital experience I need as a recent Masters graduate. I’ve found a very meaningful role here at Jeeni, where I’m progressing quicker than I could’ve imagined!” Zak Ahmed, HR Manager Ella Venvell used Gradfuel to find her Kickstart position as Jeeni’s Artist Liaison and Marketing Leader, “The kickstart scheme has given me an invaluable experience which has helped me learn about the professional world as well as given me the time to develop myself and my portfolio.” and with regards to Gradfuel, Ella said that it’s “helped me find a job doing what I love, and am hoping to do as my lifetime career.” Ella Venvell, Marketing Leader Past Marketing Executives, Rebecca Allen and Kate Stewart mention how invaluable their kickstart positions at Jeeni have been for them in her Inside Story interviews. Kate said, “In terms of kickstarting my career, if you will, my time at Jeeni has been so helpful, I’ve been provided with lots of training opportunities and learned lots of transferrable skills”. Rebecca also reflected on the skills that she was able to hone from her kickstart role at Jeeni, “I definitely think I’ve developed a knowledge of social media. I was also able to complete a lot of training courses, I did one on SEO and Google analytics.” Available here: Rebecca Allen, Kate Stewart. Among the 655 new roles available across England include; 116 sales positions, with a focus in London, Manchester and remote situations, 143 roles in Marketing, also for people based in London, Manchester or remote, 118 hospitality roles particularly in London and Birmingham, 121 admin positions focused on remote and London. There are also 31 roles for those specialised in graphic design such as Photoshop and Adobe for remote and London-based applicants. IT and data have 81 roles for London-based and remote situations and finally, there are 25 roles in finance, also for London and remotely working applicants. Don’t miss out on these opportunities and visit here for more information. https://grants.gradfuel.co/kickstarter-landing-c/ Apply to Gradfuel here: https://careers.gradfuel.co/kickstart-application-j/

03
Sep

Mel's World

Today, Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we're ahead of our original schedule, but there's still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here's one of Mel's latest! This place is neither a home nor a prison. It is some sort of institution. It drips a pallid 1980s atmosphere, and it makes me both afraid and excited. I am completely lost in a badly-lit labyrinth of corridors. It feels like I am being toyed with, and I want to leave. Of course I know the rules by now, and the most important rule of all is that I must keep my social distance of an arms-length and avoid physical contact with any other lost souls who wander these passages. They are creepy. They look more like ghosts than real people. Their eyes are disturbing. Sometimes they stare ahead vacantly, sometimes their staring gazes flick to the left and then to the right in a zombie rhythm. I cannot see their noses or their mouths, because they are covered by coloured masks. My own mouth is not covered at all. My own mouth gapes wide open. I think I feel hungry. I think I am searching for food. Perhaps I will find a piece of fruit, or maybe one of those pills I am encouraged to consume. As I turn a corner, I nearly collide with one of the ghostly figures. But I keep calm. I do not panic. I simply turn away and move as fast as I can. Which is not very fast at all. I can sense another presence around the next corner. The passages are only wide enough for one soul to pass at a time. I feel rather hopeless. I feel quite trapped. I think there is a distinct possibility that very soon I will lose my life. I think I need to build a wall before my time runs out. I know how to build a wall, I have had plenty of practice. The bottom rows of bricks slot into place without much trouble. But the more I seem to succeed, the more difficult my masonic task becomes. The stupid smaller bricks take on a will of their own, and the larger bricks feel clumsy in my hands. My wall is becoming a mess. There are big gaps in the structure where an enemy might get through. There are little gaps in the structure where a virus can penetrate. I think I'd better get out of here. I think I'd better find me a new space, one with some ladders to climb up and ledges to crawl along. Perhaps if I navigate these ladders and ledges, I can find my way out. And will you look up there! High above the ladders, almost out of sight, there is a young woman in a purple frock. She is in obvious distress. She calls out to me. Her flame-red hair cascades around her face, and then blows backwards. Which is bizarre, because there is no wind to speak of. Now she screams out, the same word over and over again. The word is help. Her cry is too theatrical. She has a big nose, like Princess Diana, or Pete Townshend. I am not very interested in her. I am much more interested in the beer. It believe that the beer is stored in big wooden barrels, stacked up in strategic places, and seemingly too heavy to be manhandled. But I am able to pick up any barrel I like, magically, without a problem, because I am unnaturally strong. And I am very, very hairy, from tip to toe. If I was once Pacman, now I am the mighty Kong. It has been many years since the viral invaders arrived from the Far East. The Space Invaders. At first the effects of their invasion were only faintly amusing, but then they grew rather attractive, and strangely exciting, and eventually they became quite addictive, even all-consuming. But as with all invasions, their glamour grew dull and they eventually lost their grip on power and faded into folk-memory. Recently, my domestic patterns have been disrupted, just like everyone else's. I have been procrastinating. I have been clearing out the cupboard under the stairs. Which is how I came across this old crate that has been gathering dust for longer than I can remember. Near the top of the crate there was a sleeping collection of very old videogame cassettes, many of which I had published myself. And beneath those old games there were some vintage machines in their original boxes. Once I'd worked out which of their black power supplies went into which of their grubby little holes, they sprang back into life to display crude blocky graphics on their silly little screens. It's been decades since I played Pacman, or Tetris, or Donkey Kong. And the last time I played Space Invaders, silly haircuts were compulsory and Margaret Thatcher was driving around in a tank. When this shitstorm is over, and when I am able to go free-range again, I wonder how long it will take me to forget about all the ghosts in all the corridors from all those bygone times. As for the flame-haired damsel in distress, I remember her name clearly. Her name was Pauline Daniella Verducci Lady Louise. She was less than an inch tall. She was a drip. The beer was virtual. It still is. Jeeni Creator, Mel Croucher - badly in need of a haircut Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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