I have a confession to make.

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest!

I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.

In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications.

For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further.

I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like.

But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black.

Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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06
Jun

Mel Croucher - Multimedia Entertainment - Ahead of his Time.

Today, Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we're ahead of our original schedule, but there's still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here's one of Mel's latest! I produced my first multi-media entertainment at the age of eight. It was a birthday gift for my mum. I called it Smellyvision. TV sets had begun to appear in the cleaner homes down my street, but my family was still years away from owning one of those magic boxes with their nine-inch screens. So I made my own. I took a cardboard box and cut a porthole in it, and used my mum's crank-handle mangle to scroll up the storyline that I drew on the reverse of a yard of wallpaper. The soundtrack lasted just under three minutes, which determined the length of my entertainment. It was a recording by the singing cowboy Roy Rogers, played on a shellac disc that spun at 78 revolutions a minute, also driven by a manual crank. But the best bits of my Smellyvision show were the different pongs that accompanied each segment of the story. I can still feel the sting of my mum's flattened hand because I had used her special perfume to enhance the production. The scent was called Evening In Paris, and had been maturing in a little blue bottle too precious to use since the 1930s. I sourced the smell of horses after the coalman's wagon had passed by, and that didn't go down well with my mum either. But how can you have a multimedia show about cowgirls and cowboys without perfume and horseshit? Capcom had exactly the same idea for their videogame Resident Evil 7, and I was not in the least surprised to discover that it too was horseshit. It was marketed as a "4D candle smelling of old timber and blood", with the brand name Blood, Sweat And Fears, and a burning time of 18 hours. The idea was to fire up the stinking candle to enhance gameplay, having handed over fifteen dollars for the privilege. As I have already said, it was crap, unless of course you managed to knock over the candle during your gaming frenzy, and emulate the zombies in the game by setting fire to your face. It wasn’t the first time that Resident Evil had been used to extort money for idiotic multimedia ideas. Back in 2005, there was a crummy accessory for the Nintendo Game Cube device called the Resident Evil 4 Chainsaw Controller. It was nothing more than a standard Game Cube handset with a vibrator unit and a "realistic chainsaw roar", that sounded like a wasp trapped in a jam jar. But gamers seemed to be willing to lay out fifty dollars for the privilege of acting like dorks, so what do I know. In fact Nintendo are serial abusers when it comes to dopey add-ons. Who can forget their Super Scope wireless light gun? Well, just about everybody, it turns out. It was a truly dreadful lump of overpriced plastic that only worked with a handful of games, and devoured AA batteries at the rate of six every four hours. And how about the Nintendo Power Pad which cost anything up to two hundred bucks way back in the 1980s. This was nothing more than a little shiny mat with a dozen or so pressure sensors in it. The idea was to jump around its red and blue squishy bits in order to trigger actions during video gameplay, and break your ankles in doing so. That's why most players resorted to cheating, by going down on all fours and using their fists to bash it into submission, My favourite Nintendo multimedia device is the DK Bongo. It's a totally stupid pair of miniature bongo drums, which suits me just fine. There's a built-in microphone to monitor my bongo-playing skills, and help track my progress as I play along to some of the worst music tracks in recorded history. To be honest, it works just as well if I clap my hands or produce fart noises, but sometimes honesty is not the best policy. After years of misuse, my DK Bongo still works fine and gives me innocent pleasure. Which brings me back to Resident Evil. Since its launch, the Resident Evil series has generated just over one billion dollars, making it the most profitable videogame spin-off in history. The only reward I ever got for my Smellyvision efforts was a sore arse. But I have never claimed to be a profiteer in these matters, only that when it comes to multi-media innovation I have always been way ahead of my time. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

12
Mar

Would You Sell Your Song Catalogue?

Today, we hear another mega-star has sold their song catalogue. This time Neil Young has agreed a deal and sold 50% of the rights to his entire back catalogue. Hipgnosis Song Fund purchased 1,180 songs by the Canadian musician in a deal that is said to be worth an estimated $150 million (£110 million), according to the BBC. Neil Young - Photo: Getty The Young acquisition comes after the company acquired the rights to 100% of former Fleetwood Mac singer Lindsay Buckingham‘s back catalogue and 50% of his future work this week, as well as Jimmy Iovine’s worldwide producer royalties. “This is a deal that changes Hipgnosis forever,” Hipgnosis founder Merck Mercuriadis said of the Young deal. Hipgnosis are known for turning royalties into a steady income stream – with the firm making money every time one of its songs is played on the radio or featured in a film/TV show. Other recent acquisitions by Hipgnosis include catalogues by the likes of Blondie, L.A. Reid, RZA and The-Dream. The company also purchased a publishing portfolio from Kobalt in September. The sale included songs by Fleetwood Mac, 50 Cent, Beyoncé and many others. The Neil Young sale seems to be part of the growing trend of artists cashing in on their lifetimes work. Bob Dylan was reported in December 2020 as selling to Universal Music. According to the New York Times, the music icon has sold his back catalogue for an eye-watering $300 million (£225 million), giving Universal the ownership of over 600 songs spanning a period of almost six decades. Bob Dylan - Photo: Getty While the deal means that Universal now control one of the most celebrated back catalogues in history, Dylan is also listed as the principal songwriter on the vast majority of efforts – which means Universal does not have to share future revenues with any other songwriters. In the same month, Stevie Nicks agreed a deal with Primary Wave for $100million, giving them 80% of her back catalogue which includes her 70's hit 'Dreams' just as it is making a Billboard comeback after going viral in the TikTok video of skateboarder Nathan Apodaca drinking Ocean Spray juice. To make these kinds of figures, you have to have a catalogue which will give the buyer a payback, but with younger bands such as The Killers doing the same, is this the best way for songwriters, singers and bands to create certain income? With the poor payouts from the online streaming platforms, it makes good business sense, but only for those able to create enough desired material. For those new and emerging creative stars, companies like www.jeeni.com and Patreon have been created to redress the balance, so revenue generated goes to the creators, not the suits and pen-pushers, meaning artists of the future will possibly be able to afford to create back catalogues and continue to benefit from them.

04
Jun

Steve Salvari is backing Jeeni

Steve Salvari, the London-based music producer, singer, song-writer and musician has played an integral part in shaping the British musical landscape, and his work is cited as vital reference points in the chronology of British Pop, Soul and Jazz Funk. His CV reads like a Who’s Who of musical luminaries, working with artists from a broad spectrum of genres, including Chaka Khan, Robert Palmer, Barry White, Billy Ocean, Lulu, Aswad, Jonathan Butler, Natalie Cole and Omar. Now Steve has joined Team Jeeni as our latest ambassador and mentor, and he’s passing on his experience and support to the new generation of Jeeni artists. Steve says, “Many others have tried and failed to support unsigned artists achieve their dreams, but the difference with Jeeni is the strength of the management team and their experience and connections in the industry. The Jeeni team are straight talkers, very focused, fully transparent with an unstoppable attitude to make Jeeni a huge success.” Welcome aboard! Steve Salvari

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