I have a confession to make.

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest!

I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.

In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications.

For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further.

I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like.

But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black.

Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

BACK

01
Mar

WesLi D - ‘Walk Of Life’ Single Review

WesLi D’s first single of this year is an inventive and ambitious hip house banger, sure to evoke warm summer memories from all. A new addition to Jeeni, ‘Walk Of Life’ is currently the only track on WesLi D’s showcase and yet, the track still paints a vivid and inspired image of his craft and creative capabilities. We can’t wait to add more of WesLi D’s older and future tracks to Jeeni’s database of talent. Check out WesLi D on Jeeni: https://jeeni.com/showcase/ctq6hi7bzb6e/?view=about WesLi’s versatile voice and production style means that he’s able to represent a host of sub-genres and influences. His album from last year, ‘Sunny Days Ahead’ covers UK jazz rap with ‘Time Flies’, garage with ‘Pressure’ and most relevant to his newest track, WesLi dabbles with house in the last two tracks, ‘Clear Mind’ and ‘Yours To Keep’. Featuring chopped-up piano chord stabs with intense, layered beats, WesLi does so well to incorporate old-school house elements into his sound without diluting either his or his muse’s style. WesLi’s entrance into hip house is a calculated and smart transition; the final tracks to his album acted as a hint at what he’s been experimenting with lately and then, chronologically, comes ‘Walk Of Life’. The introduction for 'Walk Of Life’ is brave and very unsubtle for such a chill single; instantly the majority of the beat is heard, except without the four-to-the-floor kick drums to act as its backbone. The result is frankly, a jarring and odd display of almost random drum hits. Which is why it’s so satisfying when the kick finally does enter after four bars. The payoff for that initially weird introduction is beyond worth it, because the perfect context and explanation for those eclectic drum beats is provided in the form of steady kick drums and a commanding bassline sitting under it all. A totally effective and brilliant introduction that catches the listener off-guard and lets them know that this single isn’t standard by any means. WesLi D’s particular step into hip house feels particularly reminiscent of Channel Tres and his approach to beats and rumbling basslines. However, something that WesLi can utilise that Channel Tres struggles with is an adaptable and flexible voice. Where Channel Tres mostly just speaks softly over his beats, WesLi can confidently speak, rap and sing on his tracks. On ‘Walk Of Life’, we mostly hear WesLi’s singing voice which is as velvety as the Rhoades-esque electric piano that warbles across the entire piece. A highlight for me on this single are the choruses which completely changes the vibe from the pre-chorus which is the most pessimistic and tonally dark section of the track. In fact, the lyrical sections of this single are so clever in that they each represent mood shifts in WesLi as he processes the passing of time and trying not to let his dreams pass him by: In the verses, we see a hopeful but concerned mind-set, “I don’t know where I’m going on this walk of life, But I’m hoping that everything will be alright”, then in the pre-choruses, WesLi is in a dark and gloomy place as he says, “I’ve been searching for some time now. Tryna take some time out. Feel like I’m running out of time now”. Finally, the choruses move from minor to major in an uplifting modulation to represent WesLi D at his most optimistic, “It’s all mine, walk of life. Ain’t no dream passing me by”. A deceptively simple track from WesLi D as he seemingly masters the hip house genre in one of his first attempts. Listen on Jeeni here: https://jeeni.com/walk-of-life-wesli-d/ How can Jeeni support artists like WesLi D? JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience. Album review album review album review • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make. • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way. • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect. • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team.

13
Dec

Artist Focus: Baby Panna

The Portsmouth Rapper’s raw, tongue skipping, quick style of rapping is very unique. His raps are a breath of fresh air due to the spoken word, poetry style. Depth and meaning in lyrics are Baby Panna’s forte, you can’t help but digest, despite the pace at which he spits. He keeps up a consistent, fast pace in most of his music, yet it’s still remarkably easy to follow and understand which is rare. He has an alikeness to names such as Hopsin, Immortal Technique, Akala, Capital Steez and Wretch 32 in his lyricism, while his voice has similarity to President T or a British Famous Dex. Baby Panna addresses a lot of current issues we encounter today, such as the ‘Instagram’ popularity/filter façade, love, his demons, materialism and those against him. These hot topics make for some very interesting listening, he is clearly very clued up on for example spirituality, politics, class systems and relationships, which he heavily delves into in each of his tracks. His track ‘T1GR355’ particularly grabbed my attention, the lo-fi style of cut up samples communicates a brilliantly romantic energy while he professes his adoration for a ‘Golden Tigress’ he cannot commit to. The chopped-up guitar and low frequency, oscillating bass adds a lot of emotion and finesse to the track, reminding me of certain romantic Slowthai songs such as ‘Feel Away’. The track ends with an emotional call from who I assume is the aforementioned ‘Golden Tigress’. ‘Grinding’ is a soulful, happy, lighthearted hip hop track, as Baby Panna speaks well of his will to work, progress, and that of his friends. The strings make a great backing for a song of such a topic, you can tell he really enjoyed writing this as it’s got a real bounce to it. That and the positive energy of the song make it truly catchy. The hook is also very catchy, reminding me of ‘New Freezer’ by Rich the Kid and Kendrick Lamar. There’s also a certain Eminem quality to his speed and rhyming patterns, particularly in ‘Murder She Wrote’. The upbeat, fast moving, start-stop nature of the tune is really interesting. While the detuned sounding, almost creepy beat is very unique and hard hitting. Baby Panna does incredibly well to keep up with the beat, that is around 87bpm but in double time. Baby Panna has made his own sound which is brilliant, the alternative rap enthusiast would love his music and the topics he covers. The production in itself is also very different and fresh, we love artists like Baby Panna. Check out Baby Panna on Jeeni here: https://jeeni.com/?s=baby+panna How can Jeeni support artists like Baby Panna? JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience. • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make.• We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way.• We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect.• Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team.

06
Jun

Never too late for Jeeni!

by Mel Croucher I was a young man living in Stockholm. It was the summer of 1969 and I was flat broke. I had the clothes I stood up in, a diploma in architecture and a kazoo. I was too shy to be a busker, so I invented pay-on-demand live-streamed entertainment. I became a human jukebox. I got me an abandoned cardboard box just about big enough to hide inside, and I cut a horizontal slot near the top for my media input/output. Below the slot I punched eight holes to act as the graphic user interface. The reason there were eight holes was because I only knew eight songs, and I scrawled the song title alongside each hole. The idea was for passers-by to provide me with digital input commands by sticking their finger through the hole of their choice, and I would give them a short rendition of the selected song on my kazoo. As a token of their appreciation they would reward me with loose change dropped through a small vertical slot labelled Thank You in English and Swedish. It was very hot squatting inside that box. So here we are, more than half a century later, and the music industry should be in crisis. As a result of the pandemic, artists and musicians have seen their venues close down, festivals cancelled, tours abandoned, and wary audiences slink off to go online. The new normal for live performers should be that they are well and truly buggered. But I am delighted to say the very opposite is true. The new normal has revealed that the traditional models for the entertainment industry were a hoax. All those record labels, agents, managers, ticketers and merchandisers were a bunch of parasites. Half a century later, the new generation doesn't even need a kazoo and cardboard box to squat in for a live performance. They've got smartphones. And they don't need to rely on passers-by to busk at. They've got a global audience, thanks to utilities like Soundcloud, Tidal and Jeeni. Even on Facebook we have the facility for interminable live broadcasts of self-indulgent shite from the box-room. And I'm not just talking about singers and musicians. The same applies to actors, dancers, poets, voiceovers and kazoo virtuosos. There are more independent artists than ever before who have been able to break into the mainstream without any support from a lousy label, a poncy publisher, a suffocating sponsor, mingy manager or arrogant agent. This is an entertainment revolution, where digital distribution, streaming platforms, social media and online marketing tools have changed the way artists perform their work and reach out to fans. By cutting out all the spongers, an independent artist can suddenly enjoy a number of important advantages. To me, the most important is that they now have 100% complete control over the direction of their music, spoken word and creative work. They also have full control over distribution, marketing, artwork, merchandising, deadlines, gigs, ticketing, prices, schedules - in fact all of those affirmative decisions about their creative vision. But it's not just about control. The new normal means that independent artists can keep 100% of all the profits generated from sales, streams, licencing deals, merchandise, and small change dropped through cardboard slots. The reason they can do this is because without the parasites they own all their own stuff. Independent artists own the master rights to their creative work, which means they also have the freedom to negotiate licensing, streaming and publishing deals, and they don’t have to worry about shyster contracts, expensive lawyers, and signing over their rights. Of course the parasites are not going to give up without a fight. Book agents, publishers, distributors and publicists are still clinging on, years after it became obvious that nobody really needs them now that anyone can self-publish in the digital age. In the music and entertainment industry the leeches will still argue that they are vital, even though they already know they are dead. They will keep trying to treat artists like idiots and tell them they don't have the money for mastering, or production or touring or merchandise. Which is a lie, because if artists don't have to pay the leeches then they will save the money. Artists will also be told that they have a limited network of fans and contacts, whereas organisations and labels have access to big fat fanbases and red hot connections with professionals, promoters, booking agents and media. This is an even bigger lie, demonstrated by the fact that even a no-hoper musician like me has a Facebook network big enough to fill The Royal Albert Hall, including the bogs, with or without social distancing. The biggest problem I can foresee in this brave new world of independent entertainment is lack of discipline. Put simply, if creatives were once prepared to rely on a bunch of parasites and leeches, they must now learn to rely on themselves, and that involves actually getting down to some hard work and doing stuff, irrespective of whether or not they have oodles of native talent. Desperation and hunger is an excellent motivator, so I invite the independent artists and performers of the new normal to get hold of their own electronic cardboard box and give it a go. And above all, don't forget to have fun while you're about it. Mel Croucher is the founder of the UK videogames industry, and writer of the most widely-read, longest-running column in computer journalism. He is the founder director of Jeeni and owns a black T-shirt. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

Jeeni Blog