I have a confession to make.

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest!

I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.

In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications.

For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further.

I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like.

But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black.

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12
Jan

Richard Murray - 'Fire Sale' Album Review

With lush, full arrangements, creative use of instrumentation and authoritative vocal performances, Richard Murray’s newest album, ‘Fire Sale’ might just be his most impactful to date since his debut in 2007. Richard Murray is a Northern Irish singer and songwriter who specialises in expanding the pre-conceived ideas people have about country music. Richard pushes the country and western envelope by introducing alternative instruments, song writing approaches and mindsets. This record showcases all of these abilities to a tee and has really coloured-in Jeeni’s country channel. A favourite of mine on this record is the fourth track, ‘Devils 2’. This a more contemplative and gentler moment in the album where Richard is putting his charismatic and gravelly voice to good use as he communicates an intense emotional yearning. Richard uses bongos as a part of the minimal, yet compelling percussion section along with a steady kick drum. The guitar parts here twinkle and shimmer alongside Richard’s crooning vocals as the two sections enhance each other. ‘Hard Love’, while still acoustic, really harnesses a moody rock ballad tone with a forceful beat, and almost mumbling vocals from Richard. An impressive direction to take; ‘Hard Love’ does a great job in creating a deeper and richer overall flavour to ‘Fire Sale’. Towards the end of the album, Richard slightly showcases his Celtic heritage with ‘Sea Glass’. A fiddle doubles a jaunty guitar part in between the verses which creates a warm image of a rowdy and patriotic gathering. This track provides a last push in energy for this perfect campfire album, as its last moments wind the project down in an introspective and reflective fashion. The last track on ‘Fire Sale’, 'You Get Wise' acts as a sort of summary and reflection on the stellar tracks that have come before it. A Jeeni and Bandcamp exclusive, the closing track holds some of Richard’s most thoughtful and tender songwriting and performances, making it a perfect choice to sum up this exciting and heart-warming album. ‘Fire Sale’ is a sentimentally tender project. At times, Richard is longing for home, where other times, he’s just walked through the door and celebrations have begun. The album has a real range in emotions, moods and sentiments and is a must listen for all country fans. How can Jeeni support artists like Richard Murray JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience. • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make. • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way. • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect. • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team. Check out Richard’s Jeeni showcase here: https://jeeni.com/showcase/richardmurraymusic/

19
Jan

Respite, 'Vol. 1' EP Review

Respite’s ‘Vol. 1’ EP is nothing short of a masterclass in modern alt-rock and the best thing about it is that its title implies that there’s much more to come. Since re-emerging as Respite, this is the first project from the pop-punk outfit, once known as ‘Finding Argyle’. Respite have been a part of Jeeni’s rock representation for a while now. It’s been an honour for Jeeni to follow and promote the revival of their brutal modern rock sound and the appreciation goes both ways according to their feedback; “Respite are proud to be a Jeeni Artist. Having a platform that supports and actively promotes upcoming artists is truly invaluable.” This five-track project is a triumphant and proud announcement of a new advancement in their style, synergy and musicianship. Although the group has access to a rich and varied reservoir of influences such as ‘Finding Malory’ and ‘A Day to Remember’, they certainly pave their own path within this rock sub-genre. The EP’s only single, ‘Chemical Sleep’ was a great choice for a teaser track. Rapid double kick drums and squealing guitars lay down the foundation on which Sam’s anthemic vocals glide. The pre-chorus production choice of layering spirited, but distant vocals over a casually recorded, radio-affected reversed harmony of the same line is a blissful respite before the thrashing resumes for the choruses. The production value on ‘Vol. 1’ is out of this world. The secret behind their clean and cohesive thrashing rock tone is group guitarist, Andrew Vaughan. Vaughan is Respite’s in-house producer, mastering engineer and manages the recording processes. However, without the impassioned performances in this project, Andrew’s job would be a lot harder. From Reiss Mcleod’s robust drumming, Ross Crawford’s commanding bass, Euan Macqueen’s essential guitar work and Sam Nicholson’s singable vocal melodies, Andrew was spoilt with the sheer talent held in this band. ‘Sincerely, Maybe’ and ‘Change My Mind’ certainly embrace a stronger pop/punk tone and the EP benefits well from its inclusion. Synthesis and brighter instrumentation is used for the lighter and accessible melodies on these tracks. A deliberate embrace of two slight deviations to their sound creates a balance in a natural and impressive way. ‘The Little Things’ and ‘Chemical Sleep’ are the slightly darker and tonally more serious cuts and instead of any kind of clash, the two variations of modern rock subtly contextualises the other and broadens the EP’s sound and style. The lyrical themes of romance and mental health develops deeper substance to the project instead of surface-level rock music. Something that cannot be faked is how emotion is embedded into the performances, and not just in Sam’s vocals, but in each member’s recordings; it elevates an already excellent project to numerous levels. If you want to learn more about Respite, check out our Artist Focus blog on them here: https://jeeni.com/blog/artist-focus-respite/ How can Jeeni support artists like Respite JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience. • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make. • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way. • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect. • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team. Check out Respite’s Jeeni showcase here: https://jeeni.com/showcase/respite-band/

06
Jun

Mel Croucher - Multimedia Entertainment - Ahead of his Time.

Today, Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we're ahead of our original schedule, but there's still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here's one of Mel's latest! I produced my first multi-media entertainment at the age of eight. It was a birthday gift for my mum. I called it Smellyvision. TV sets had begun to appear in the cleaner homes down my street, but my family was still years away from owning one of those magic boxes with their nine-inch screens. So I made my own. I took a cardboard box and cut a porthole in it, and used my mum's crank-handle mangle to scroll up the storyline that I drew on the reverse of a yard of wallpaper. The soundtrack lasted just under three minutes, which determined the length of my entertainment. It was a recording by the singing cowboy Roy Rogers, played on a shellac disc that spun at 78 revolutions a minute, also driven by a manual crank. But the best bits of my Smellyvision show were the different pongs that accompanied each segment of the story. I can still feel the sting of my mum's flattened hand because I had used her special perfume to enhance the production. The scent was called Evening In Paris, and had been maturing in a little blue bottle too precious to use since the 1930s. I sourced the smell of horses after the coalman's wagon had passed by, and that didn't go down well with my mum either. But how can you have a multimedia show about cowgirls and cowboys without perfume and horseshit? Capcom had exactly the same idea for their videogame Resident Evil 7, and I was not in the least surprised to discover that it too was horseshit. It was marketed as a "4D candle smelling of old timber and blood", with the brand name Blood, Sweat And Fears, and a burning time of 18 hours. The idea was to fire up the stinking candle to enhance gameplay, having handed over fifteen dollars for the privilege. As I have already said, it was crap, unless of course you managed to knock over the candle during your gaming frenzy, and emulate the zombies in the game by setting fire to your face. It wasn’t the first time that Resident Evil had been used to extort money for idiotic multimedia ideas. Back in 2005, there was a crummy accessory for the Nintendo Game Cube device called the Resident Evil 4 Chainsaw Controller. It was nothing more than a standard Game Cube handset with a vibrator unit and a "realistic chainsaw roar", that sounded like a wasp trapped in a jam jar. But gamers seemed to be willing to lay out fifty dollars for the privilege of acting like dorks, so what do I know. In fact Nintendo are serial abusers when it comes to dopey add-ons. Who can forget their Super Scope wireless light gun? Well, just about everybody, it turns out. It was a truly dreadful lump of overpriced plastic that only worked with a handful of games, and devoured AA batteries at the rate of six every four hours. And how about the Nintendo Power Pad which cost anything up to two hundred bucks way back in the 1980s. This was nothing more than a little shiny mat with a dozen or so pressure sensors in it. The idea was to jump around its red and blue squishy bits in order to trigger actions during video gameplay, and break your ankles in doing so. That's why most players resorted to cheating, by going down on all fours and using their fists to bash it into submission, My favourite Nintendo multimedia device is the DK Bongo. It's a totally stupid pair of miniature bongo drums, which suits me just fine. There's a built-in microphone to monitor my bongo-playing skills, and help track my progress as I play along to some of the worst music tracks in recorded history. To be honest, it works just as well if I clap my hands or produce fart noises, but sometimes honesty is not the best policy. After years of misuse, my DK Bongo still works fine and gives me innocent pleasure. Which brings me back to Resident Evil. Since its launch, the Resident Evil series has generated just over one billion dollars, making it the most profitable videogame spin-off in history. The only reward I ever got for my Smellyvision efforts was a sore arse. But I have never claimed to be a profiteer in these matters, only that when it comes to multi-media innovation I have always been way ahead of my time. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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