I have a confession to make.

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest!

I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.

In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications.

For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further.

I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like.

But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black.

Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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06
Jun

Never too late for Jeeni!

by Mel Croucher I was a young man living in Stockholm. It was the summer of 1969 and I was flat broke. I had the clothes I stood up in, a diploma in architecture and a kazoo. I was too shy to be a busker, so I invented pay-on-demand live-streamed entertainment. I became a human jukebox. I got me an abandoned cardboard box just about big enough to hide inside, and I cut a horizontal slot near the top for my media input/output. Below the slot I punched eight holes to act as the graphic user interface. The reason there were eight holes was because I only knew eight songs, and I scrawled the song title alongside each hole. The idea was for passers-by to provide me with digital input commands by sticking their finger through the hole of their choice, and I would give them a short rendition of the selected song on my kazoo. As a token of their appreciation they would reward me with loose change dropped through a small vertical slot labelled Thank You in English and Swedish. It was very hot squatting inside that box. So here we are, more than half a century later, and the music industry should be in crisis. As a result of the pandemic, artists and musicians have seen their venues close down, festivals cancelled, tours abandoned, and wary audiences slink off to go online. The new normal for live performers should be that they are well and truly buggered. But I am delighted to say the very opposite is true. The new normal has revealed that the traditional models for the entertainment industry were a hoax. All those record labels, agents, managers, ticketers and merchandisers were a bunch of parasites. Half a century later, the new generation doesn't even need a kazoo and cardboard box to squat in for a live performance. They've got smartphones. And they don't need to rely on passers-by to busk at. They've got a global audience, thanks to utilities like Soundcloud, Tidal and Jeeni. Even on Facebook we have the facility for interminable live broadcasts of self-indulgent shite from the box-room. And I'm not just talking about singers and musicians. The same applies to actors, dancers, poets, voiceovers and kazoo virtuosos. There are more independent artists than ever before who have been able to break into the mainstream without any support from a lousy label, a poncy publisher, a suffocating sponsor, mingy manager or arrogant agent. This is an entertainment revolution, where digital distribution, streaming platforms, social media and online marketing tools have changed the way artists perform their work and reach out to fans. By cutting out all the spongers, an independent artist can suddenly enjoy a number of important advantages. To me, the most important is that they now have 100% complete control over the direction of their music, spoken word and creative work. They also have full control over distribution, marketing, artwork, merchandising, deadlines, gigs, ticketing, prices, schedules - in fact all of those affirmative decisions about their creative vision. But it's not just about control. The new normal means that independent artists can keep 100% of all the profits generated from sales, streams, licencing deals, merchandise, and small change dropped through cardboard slots. The reason they can do this is because without the parasites they own all their own stuff. Independent artists own the master rights to their creative work, which means they also have the freedom to negotiate licensing, streaming and publishing deals, and they don’t have to worry about shyster contracts, expensive lawyers, and signing over their rights. Of course the parasites are not going to give up without a fight. Book agents, publishers, distributors and publicists are still clinging on, years after it became obvious that nobody really needs them now that anyone can self-publish in the digital age. In the music and entertainment industry the leeches will still argue that they are vital, even though they already know they are dead. They will keep trying to treat artists like idiots and tell them they don't have the money for mastering, or production or touring or merchandise. Which is a lie, because if artists don't have to pay the leeches then they will save the money. Artists will also be told that they have a limited network of fans and contacts, whereas organisations and labels have access to big fat fanbases and red hot connections with professionals, promoters, booking agents and media. This is an even bigger lie, demonstrated by the fact that even a no-hoper musician like me has a Facebook network big enough to fill The Royal Albert Hall, including the bogs, with or without social distancing. The biggest problem I can foresee in this brave new world of independent entertainment is lack of discipline. Put simply, if creatives were once prepared to rely on a bunch of parasites and leeches, they must now learn to rely on themselves, and that involves actually getting down to some hard work and doing stuff, irrespective of whether or not they have oodles of native talent. Desperation and hunger is an excellent motivator, so I invite the independent artists and performers of the new normal to get hold of their own electronic cardboard box and give it a go. And above all, don't forget to have fun while you're about it. Mel Croucher is the founder of the UK videogames industry, and writer of the most widely-read, longest-running column in computer journalism. He is the founder director of Jeeni and owns a black T-shirt. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

25
Mar

McCartney & Beck Share New Disco-Funk Track

Paul McCartney and Beck share their new disco-funk track, "Find My Way". The single is from McCartney's album "McCartney III Imagined" and transforms his original classic rock track, into a disco-funk tune. The track is full of the usual fun you expect from Beck, including his use of a Vocoder. Streamed video below. Beck (Photo - Philip Cosores) McCartney (Photo - MJ Kim) “You never used to be afraid of days like these / But now you’re overwhelmed by your anxieties,” he sings on the chorus. “Let me help you out, let me be your guide / I can help you reach the love you feel inside.” https://youtu.be/rdYNPhaQ96Y "Find My Way" is the opening track on the new collaboration album, which sees McCartney teaming up with artists, Phoebe Bridgers, Anderson .Paak, St. Vincent, Blood Orange and Damon Albarn. Each artist has covered or reimagined a track from the "McCartney III" album, which The Beatles bassist released in December 2020, to critical acclaim. Earlier the month "The Kiss of Venus" by Dominic Fike was the first taster to be released from the upcoming album, dropping April 16 2021. McCartney III Imagined Tracklist:01. Find My Way (feat. Beck)02. The Kiss of Venus (Dominic Fike)03. Pretty Boys (feat. Khruangbin)04. Women And Wives (St. Vincent Remix)05. Deep Down (Blood Orange Remix)06. Seize The Day (feat. Phoebe Bridgers)07. Slidin’ (EOB Remix)08. Long Tailed Winter Bird (Damon Albarn Remix)09. Lavatory Lil (Josh Homme)10. When Winter Comes (Anderson .Paak Remix)11. Deep Deep Feeling (3D RDN Remix)12. Long Tailed Winter Bird (Idris Elba Remix) * * = Physical release exclusive track McCartney III Imagined www.jeeni.com www.youtube.com

06
Jun

For the Love of words - why writing it out makes the best therapy.

By Sammie Venn. Jeeni's Official Writer, Columnist and Blogger I have been an avid bookworm all my life. I used to read under the covers by torchlight when I was little and wake up bleary eyed but full of wonder. Delving into alternative worlds until the early hours, I would write stories and music imagining I was part of those mystical realms. Even though I was only 10 I understood the power of words. Their lyricism was captivating, and the songs I wrote became part of me, despite the fact that I could not hit a single note on key. My grandmother was an Opera singer, so my dulcet tones were put to shame, but it never stopped me belting out a melody in the shower as I grew older. Little did I know that verse would be my go-to therapy and expression of humanity in later life. Art in any form is therapeutic. Macklemore wrote that “Music moves people. It connects them in ways that no other medium can. It pulls heart strings. It acts as medicine” . Whether it is playing an instrument, reading, painting or writing, creative activity in any guise will have a positive impact on our mental health. Music is to the soul what words are to the mind, it’s all about turning a cacophony of phrases into poetic verse. I have always described it as a cathartic vent; enabling a confrontation between the most of powerful demons as well as deepest desires. Poetry is my chosen genre these days; it helps to make sense of chaotic thoughts in a non-sensical way. Iambic pentameter, rhythm and rhyme gives a structure to the subconscious and coherence to thought. David Richo author of “How to be an adult” said that “Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us - Our tears are precious, necessary, and part of what make us such endearing creatures.” Just like a piece of music, giving your thoughts a physical shape helps them to form a new arrangement. Why not spend 10/15 minutes a day brain dumping. I always finish a liberating mind sweep with a gratitude list. It helps me to feel invigorated and more energised. Write from your heart, not your mind. Get those words down on a page, it doesn’t have to be rational, make sense to others or be the next prize winning tome. Writing therapy is about you as an individual clearing headspace for renewal and recovery. Don’t censor or perfect just let your feelings be part of a free flow process. Tune into those emotions, stay as present as you can with them and let the page hold onto them so you don’t have to. Fictionalise yourself. Create a third person version of you - I have employed this technique numerous times it is like writing for self-knowledge. The plethora of journals that sit on my bookshelves describe hope, abundance, love, passion, desire, fear and all manner of emotions in between. In understanding how I wanted to feel, I was able to get creative and fall in love with a whole new way of being. As the Beatles so appropriately said “take a sad song and make it better”. So I would like to share one of my poems with you its called “ Wild Child”.

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