I have a confession to make.

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest!

I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.

In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications.

For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further.

I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like.

But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black.

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06
Jun

My grandfather was killed by a rubbish truck.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with all our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s one of Mel’s latest! One bright Autumn morning, my grandfather was killed by a rubbish truck. He got run over crossing the road on his regular walk to work. He was 84. And I am comforted to know that he loved his work as much as he loved his walk. As for me, I have yet to reach that ripe old age but I am still working most hours, most days. It's not so much that I love my work, more that I don't know what else to do. When I was younger, so much younger than today, I was promised a sci-fi world where all labour would be performed by robots, leaving us humans to enjoy a more meaningful existence. Before my grandfather was born, Karl Marx wrote that in a mechanised society workers would be freed from the monotony of work to “hunt in the morning, fish in the afternoon, criticise after dinner.” My grandfather certainly never saw such a sci-fi world or Marxist society, and I'm still waiting for it. But the way things are going I may not have to wait much longer for robots to take over the tedium of work. Judging by their behaviour, I suspect that most telemarketers, receptionists, estate agents and bar tenders were replaced by robots ages ago. And for drivers, machine operators and manual workers, it can only be only a matter of time. The first robot aircraft pilot took to the skies then navigated flawlessly and landed safely way back in 1947. Robots have been successfully conducting complex heart surgery since 2004. Artificial intelligence has already reached the cognitive power of a nine year-old human, in which case it is qualified to run for President of the USA in November. But do we really need political leaders to tell us how best to fill our waking hours? If we can develop all these technological wonders then we should be smart enough to work it out for ourselves. Our waking hours are dominated by work, whether we are in work or not. Strikers are depicted as troublemakers. Artists are depicted as idle. The poor are depicted as scroungers. The state cajoles the unemployed, the sick and the disabled to get off their arses and work. We are educated with the goal of work in mind, then having worked all our lives we are grudgingly handed back a mingy pension which we paid for in the first place. The idealised worker works in order to pay the childminder, the Deliveroo driver, the dog walker, the baker, the brewer, the app maker, because the idealised worker has no time left for such things. The idealised worker is too busy working to do any of these things for herself. For huge numbers of us the significance of the old certainties of community, religion, politics, and even family, have all fallen away to be replaced by work. For huge numbers of us work is how we give our lives meaning, while at the same time work has become more precarious, more impersonal, more stressful, and the app-driven gig economy is a perfect example of this. Yet everybody knows that automation is already capable of doing most manual jobs of work, and now artificial intelligence is predicted as achieving the capability of taking over most desk-bound jobs too. Since the pandemic, the entire framework of work is falling apart. But as a species we are not hardwired to work for a living. We never have been. We were lied to by those who said we must work, either to deserve a mythological afterlife, or protect an artificial realm, or for supposed honour, or someone else's glory, or for tokens of currency that can only be spent at the store owned by the company that issues those tokens in the first place. But of course all of those motivations are a con. And an obvious con at that. So here's the thing. Now we have cheap reliable technology, let's get all the robots to do as much of the muscle work as they can, and let's get all the artificial intelligences to do as much of the brain work as they can. Then let's redistribute the remaining working hours evenly to we the people, and in return pay ourselves some of that fabricated stuff called money so we can buy good food and decent shelter. By my reckoning six hours a day, three days a week will do nicely to pick up the slack left by the robots. Work needn't be useless. Work includes child-rearing, caring for the elderly and protecting the vulnerable. It also includes growing food, dreaming up new businesses and fixing the tap. And work includes creating music and dance and poetry and streaming it on Jeeni.com. It is self-evident that all valid work is worth the same valid reward. This is not a Marxist idea, or even a socialist proposal. It's the Tories who bang on about work being such a good thing and everyone pulling their weight, and I completely agree with them. Margaret Thatcher, that champion of work culture, said, “The heresies of one period become the orthodoxies of the next.” Yes indeedy, so bring on the robots and the electronic brains. If work is such a good thing then let everyone have a go for a few hours a week for a universal payment. And don't worry about how the payment is distributed, the accounts have all been reckoned by computers for years. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

18
Feb

Artist Focus: Cassius Gray

With casual, effortless rhymes and relatable vibes, Cassius Gray is making huge waves in the UK jazz rap scene. Cassius Gray has expanded and diversified Jeeni’s hip-hop, rap and RnB channels with six incredible tracks, each one different to the last and totally refreshing. His last single, ‘Sunbeds’ is a lush and lavish piece, fueled by smooth, old-school RnB samples and sentiments; listen on Jeeni here: https://jeeni.com/sunbeds-cassius-gray/. And check out Cassius’ showcase here: https://jeeni.com/showcase/0xr7kzzd8v5p/ Cassius has been making music for seven years now and has been developing his sound with every chance he’s had. His track from 2019, ‘A.M’ has nearly 1 million listens and according to Cassius is a surefire crowd-pleaser, “my favourite to perform was my song A.M with Souleymane Noe/Luther King, it bangs so hard live man!” Luther King contributes an icy cold verse on ‘A.M’, as well as providing the dangerously catchy “I don’t care if this tune don’t bang” hook. One of many successful collaborations, ‘A.M’ set a trend of sorts; ‘Jp from 640’, Teddy, J P Rose, and producer San Tino all followed with collaborations after the 2019 single. Cassius especially praised the latter for the creative synergy the two have, “Specifically shout out to my guy San Tino - the producer of our 2021 Single ‘Cookoo’”. This track from last year saw Cassius venture into an entirely new direction for his vocal talent: garage. San Tino lays down an unmistakable modern garage beat over which he plays calming synth pads and minimal, yet effective added percussion. As well as just rapping, Cassius also sings over the freeing instrumental in the form of expressive, auto-tuned vocalisations and humming. This stylistic risk and subsequent pay-off makes ‘Cookoo’ a clearly special moment in Cassius Gray’s young discography. ‘Chillhop’ and ‘jazz rap’ are broad genres that Cassius is often inclined towards, but to expect one style from this artist is pointless. Cassius’ influences act like a rolling snowball, picking up anything and everything in its path and using it to make it stronger, more complex and layered. His inspirations stem back to early 90s hip-hop, namely ‘A Tibe Called Quest’. Q-Tip's crew redefined hip-hop and continues to stir the imaginations of entire generations of artists even now. Tribe’s approach to samples, beats and attitude can regularly be seen in Cassius’ own work, especially with tracks like ‘Mum Called?’ and the collaborative, ‘World Spins Too Fast’. Cassius is an essential component of this new and exciting wave of UK hip-hop and Jeeni, along with all of his fans, can’t wait for his debut album, which he promises is lined up for this year. Make sure you’re following Cassius on social media to stay in the loop of his ever-developing sound. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cassiusgray_/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cassiusgraymusic Jeeni showcase: https://jeeni.com/showcase/0xr7kzzd8v5p/ How can Jeeni support artists like Cassius Gray? JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience. • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make. • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way. • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect. • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team. artist biography

10
Jun

Jeeni Live Global Festival on 29 August 2020

Jeeni is proud to announce the next JEENI LIVE - our series of Free Festivals for Independent Musicians and Performers, where rising stars have a golden opportunity to step into the spotlight in front of a global audience, strut their stuff, stay safe and have fun. Best of all, they appear alongside some of our favourite superstar ambassadors. On 29th August 2020 we’ll be streaming the Jeeni Live Festival across music websites and social media. The event will be headlined by Sonique (Brit Award-Winner, Best Female Solo Artist) and Grammy Award-Winner Skyler Jett (hit-maker for Stevie Wonder, Celine Dion and Christina Aguillera) supported by Jeeni chart-toppers from both sides of the Atlantic. Showtimes: 21.00-23.00 GMT - 14.00-16.00 Los Angeles. With guest appearances from multi-award-winner Natasha Watts, the godfather of punk Jesus Hooligan, platinum-seller Daisy Chute, a blues genius we found down the pub, classical electro-diva Sarah Mallock, stadium favourites Filta, and a sensational new band with an average age of eight! More to be announced soon. All our performers will promote the event and share the live streaming to their fanbases, so we expecting lots of engagement. The live stream will also be saved on Jeeni.com, Jeeni Facebook and the Independent Musicians and Performers Group to replay later. This is our first event with our new Californian partners AmplifyX, the only FINRA and SEC compliant platform that allows investors to build a portfolio by directly funding musicians. The partnership was arranged by Kelli Richards, Jeeni Managing Director USA, who was mentored by Steve Jobs at Apple where she launched and managed the Apple music and entertainment division. Co-founder of AmplifyX Bobby Kamaris says, “Our companies run in an adjacent space helping independent artists, and our philosophies and motives are very very close. What you guys at Jeeni have done in putting it together and launching is actually incredible.” • Jeeni Live is a global festival of music.• Covid19 has closed live venues, so Jeeni Live goes out across social media and selected websites.• Jeeni Live gives equal exposure to brand new talent and world-class stars, with an exciting mix of new material and massive crowd-pleasers. • Jeeni Live reaches out across the whole range of styles and ages to deliver new audiences and new fans for our poll-winning artists.• No adverts, no hype, no rip-offs, no fakes. Jeeni - the ethical alternative.

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