Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

Huawei to Hell

/ By
Huawei to Hell

Today, Jeeni returns to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “We’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases to hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s Mel’s latest!

Trade wars are dangerous. When tariffs are imposed, and when sanctions get slapped on, and when one nation ceases to trade with another nation, then a trade war has a funny habit of turning into a real war. And here we all are, slap bang in the middle of a lulu of a trade war between the world’s two most powerful states. This is a trade war that’s not based on essentials like oil, or wheat, or toilet paper, but a trade war based on the pixies and fairy-dust of software algorithms. One day a peace treaty is waved, next day missiles are launched. Here is what happened in the future.

The proxy war between the Donald Trump and Boris Johnson axis against Xi Jinping didn’t affect me much, seeing as I had never owned a Huawei handset. I admit that I did find some comfort in the fact that cellphone zombies became totally bereft at the prospect of not being able to view TikTok on their little Chinese screens. All I could say to those morons was - suck it up guys, you had it coming!

In the first few hours of the Huawei denial of service attacks, the bewilderment and confusion of being unable to access social media apps soon turned to anger. This was triggered by the fact that the masses were unable to access social media apps to tell one another that they could not access social media apps. They soon realised they couldn’t remember any contact details of any of their virtual friends, or why they were virtual friends in the first place. Neither could they remember where they were, or where anything else was, or how to find their way around the real world at all. And without the Uber app they found themselves physically marooned within the perimeters of their ignorance. Deliveroo failed to respond the following day, so to avoid starvation, people who had a strong sense of smell managed to find their way to MacDonalds. But the computers were down and riots began when the Cola ran out, as slow-motion customers blamed Covid19 for the fact that China and the USA were having a software spat.

That night, the younger, more active elements of society went on the rampage and looted Tescos for pot noodles, which was a total waste of effort because the electric kettles no longer worked, thanks to smart-meter reliance on dodgy apps. Tuesday evening, after martial law and compulsory prayers, the county lines failed to supply recreational drugs to their app-driven client base, and hospitals were targeted to fill the gap in the market. Amusing video clips of the descent into chaos were not shared, not because of any sense of social responsibility but because Instagram was kaput. This added to the howling rage of the mob more than somewhat. Then, not long after the dogs began to disappear, the hunting of the weak began, and there was the smell of woodsmoke and bacon in the air. On a more positive note, a lot of overweight people slimmed down fast and learned new skills like shadow puppetry and crossbow production.

And so it was that all those predictions how civilisation would end as the result of electro-magnetic-pulse attacks turned out to be wrong. There was no need to launch missiles, zap communications or fry every electronic circuit in the land. All it took was an old man with an orange face to start a pissing contest. The irony that the old man’s preferred means of communication was Twitter is not lost on me, but then I don’t need Google Maps to tell me that we’re all up shit creek without a paddle.

And that, dear reader, is how come we all ended up on the Huawei to Hell.

BACK
Mel's World

03
Sep

Mel's World

Today, Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we're ahead of our original schedule, but there's still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here's one of Mel's latest! This place is neither a home nor a prison. It is some sort of institution. It drips a pallid 1980s atmosphere, and it makes me both afraid and excited. I am completely lost in a badly-lit labyrinth of corridors. It feels like I am being toyed with, and I want to leave. Of course I know the rules by now, and the most important rule of all is that I must keep my social distance of an arms-length and avoid physical contact with any other lost souls who wander these passages. They are creepy. They look more like ghosts than real people. Their eyes are disturbing. Sometimes they stare ahead vacantly, sometimes their staring gazes flick to the left and then to the right in a zombie rhythm. I cannot see their noses or their mouths, because they are covered by coloured masks. My own mouth is not covered at all. My own mouth gapes wide open. I think I feel hungry. I think I am searching for food. Perhaps I will find a piece of fruit, or maybe one of those pills I am encouraged to consume. As I turn a corner, I nearly collide with one of the ghostly figures. But I keep calm. I do not panic. I simply turn away and move as fast as I can. Which is not very fast at all. I can sense another presence around the next corner. The passages are only wide enough for one soul to pass at a time. I feel rather hopeless. I feel quite trapped. I think there is a distinct possibility that very soon I will lose my life. I think I need to build a wall before my time runs out. I know how to build a wall, I have had plenty of practice. The bottom rows of bricks slot into place without much trouble. But the more I seem to succeed, the more difficult my masonic task becomes. The stupid smaller bricks take on a will of their own, and the larger bricks feel clumsy in my hands. My wall is becoming a mess. There are big gaps in the structure where an enemy might get through. There are little gaps in the structure where a virus can penetrate. I think I'd better get out of here. I think I'd better find me a new space, one with some ladders to climb up and ledges to crawl along. Perhaps if I navigate these ladders and ledges, I can find my way out. And will you look up there! High above the ladders, almost out of sight, there is a young woman in a purple frock. She is in obvious distress. She calls out to me. Her flame-red hair cascades around her face, and then blows backwards. Which is bizarre, because there is no wind to speak of. Now she screams out, the same word over and over again. The word is help. Her cry is too theatrical. She has a big nose, like Princess Diana, or Pete Townshend. I am not very interested in her. I am much more interested in the beer. It believe that the beer is stored in big wooden barrels, stacked up in strategic places, and seemingly too heavy to be manhandled. But I am able to pick up any barrel I like, magically, without a problem, because I am unnaturally strong. And I am very, very hairy, from tip to toe. If I was once Pacman, now I am the mighty Kong. It has been many years since the viral invaders arrived from the Far East. The Space Invaders. At first the effects of their invasion were only faintly amusing, but then they grew rather attractive, and strangely exciting, and eventually they became quite addictive, even all-consuming. But as with all invasions, their glamour grew dull and they eventually lost their grip on power and faded into folk-memory. Recently, my domestic patterns have been disrupted, just like everyone else's. I have been procrastinating. I have been clearing out the cupboard under the stairs. Which is how I came across this old crate that has been gathering dust for longer than I can remember. Near the top of the crate there was a sleeping collection of very old videogame cassettes, many of which I had published myself. And beneath those old games there were some vintage machines in their original boxes. Once I'd worked out which of their black power supplies went into which of their grubby little holes, they sprang back into life to display crude blocky graphics on their silly little screens. It's been decades since I played Pacman, or Tetris, or Donkey Kong. And the last time I played Space Invaders, silly haircuts were compulsory and Margaret Thatcher was driving around in a tank. When this shitstorm is over, and when I am able to go free-range again, I wonder how long it will take me to forget about all the ghosts in all the corridors from all those bygone times. As for the flame-haired damsel in distress, I remember her name clearly. Her name was Pauline Daniella Verducci Lady Louise. She was less than an inch tall. She was a drip. The beer was virtual. It still is. Jeeni Creator, Mel Croucher - badly in need of a haircut Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

Read more
Respite, 'Vol. 1' EP Review

19
Jan

Respite, 'Vol. 1' EP Review

Respite’s ‘Vol. 1’ EP is nothing short of a masterclass in modern alt-rock and the best thing about it is that its title implies that there’s much more to come.  Since re-emerging as Respite, this is the first project from the pop-punk outfit, once known as ‘Finding Argyle’. Respite have been a part of Jeeni’s rock representation for a while now. It’s been an honour for Jeeni to follow and promote the revival of their brutal modern rock sound and the appreciation goes both ways according to their feedback; “Respite are proud to be a Jeeni Artist. Having a platform that supports and actively promotes upcoming artists is truly invaluable.”  This five-track project is a triumphant and proud announcement of a new advancement in their style, synergy and musicianship. Although the group has access to a rich and varied reservoir of influences such as ‘Finding Malory’ and ‘A Day to Remember’, they certainly pave their own path within this rock sub-genre.  The EP’s only single, ‘Chemical Sleep’ was a great choice for a teaser track. Rapid double kick drums and squealing guitars lay down the foundation on which Sam’s anthemic vocals glide. The pre-chorus production choice of layering spirited, but distant vocals over a casually recorded, radio-affected reversed harmony of the same line is a blissful respite before the thrashing resumes for the choruses.  The production value on ‘Vol. 1’ is out of this world. The secret behind their clean and cohesive thrashing rock tone is group guitarist, Andrew Vaughan. Vaughan is Respite’s in-house producer, mastering engineer and manages the recording processes. However, without the impassioned performances in this project, Andrew’s job would be a lot harder. From Reiss Mcleod’s robust drumming, Ross Crawford’s commanding bass, Euan Macqueen’s essential guitar work and Sam Nicholson’s singable vocal melodies, Andrew was spoilt with the sheer talent held in this band.  ‘Sincerely, Maybe’ and ‘Change My Mind’ certainly embrace a stronger pop/punk tone and the EP benefits well from its inclusion. Synthesis and brighter instrumentation is used for the lighter and accessible melodies on these tracks. A deliberate embrace of two slight deviations to their sound creates a balance in a natural and impressive way. ‘The Little Things’ and ‘Chemical Sleep’ are the slightly darker and tonally more serious cuts and instead of any kind of clash, the two variations of modern rock subtly contextualises the other and broadens the EP’s sound and style.  The lyrical themes of romance and mental health develops deeper substance to the project instead of surface-level rock music. Something that cannot be faked is how emotion is embedded into the performances, and not just in Sam’s vocals, but in each member’s recordings; it elevates an already excellent project to numerous levels.  If you want to learn more about Respite, check out our Artist Focus blog on them here: https://jeeni.com/blog/artist-focus-respite/ How can Jeeni support artists like Respite   JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience.   • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make.  • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way.  • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect.  • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team.  Check out Respite’s Jeeni showcase here: https://jeeni.com/showcase/respite-band/  

Read more
Interview with Musician, Writer, Poet and Creative Artist - Baby Panna

28
Oct

Interview with Musician, Writer, Poet and Creative Artist - Baby Panna

EJ Salako got the chance to speak to Baby Panna at Victorious Festival 2021, where he discussed his music, poetry, creative process and future goals. What sort of music do you make? I do all sorts, to be honest, I do a bit of hip hop, but it's more alternative, more experimental. I write poetry as well and I’m working on some indie rock music as well. So, it’s everywhere, a bit of everything. What influences you to make music, and what influenced you to get into music? My main influence was Kendrick Lamar I was like 12 on YouTube and I found Good Kid Maad City on an upload, I heard it and the poetic nature of it, the interludes,  it opened my mind up to new ways to make music and I was in love with from there. My biggest influence is Kendrick, Kanye, Frank Ocean, the versatility, and the artistry that they show is something I want to emulate. When you’re writing your own music, what is your creative process? For me I think my process changed a lot during the lockdown, at first, I would be like “I want to make a banger so I can make peace” so I’d structure it like that you know. But now I just try and whatever I feel goes on the paper and I try and edit it as little as I can, try and keep the original beat, because I want to keep it as raw and as me as possible. So that’s me right now. Which one of your songs is your personal favourite? Right now, I’ve got one for life and one for listening, I think right now “Murder She Wrote Live” I really enjoy doing that, it gets the crowd going. But personally T1GR355, one of my most recent releases, it’s really close to poetry, and I focus on poetry a lot right now, so I love that. Future goals, where do you see yourself in the next 3-5 years, do you have an end goal? 3-5 years I think right now I’ve got a lot of rap music, I’m working on a poetry mix, and an indie rock tape and in 3 years that will all be out there. I think that’s when I will be able to confidently say people know who I am as an artist. I’m just trying to show I can do all these things, so that’s where I want to be in 3 years’ time just have people kind of get a feel for me as an artist and I wouldn’t say I have an end goal I think for me it’s just finding a way to have my creativity fund itself, that’s my goal. Watch the video interview here: Baby Panna Inside Story Interview at Victorious Festival 2021 Check out Baby Panna's showcase here: Baby Panna Jeeni Showcase

Read more