Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

Huawei to Hell

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Huawei to Hell

Today, Jeeni returns to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “We’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases to hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s Mel’s latest!

Trade wars are dangerous. When tariffs are imposed, and when sanctions get slapped on, and when one nation ceases to trade with another nation, then a trade war has a funny habit of turning into a real war. And here we all are, slap bang in the middle of a lulu of a trade war between the world’s two most powerful states. This is a trade war that’s not based on essentials like oil, or wheat, or toilet paper, but a trade war based on the pixies and fairy-dust of software algorithms. One day a peace treaty is waved, next day missiles are launched. Here is what happened in the future.

The proxy war between the Donald Trump and Boris Johnson axis against Xi Jinping didn’t affect me much, seeing as I had never owned a Huawei handset. I admit that I did find some comfort in the fact that cellphone zombies became totally bereft at the prospect of not being able to view TikTok on their little Chinese screens. All I could say to those morons was - suck it up guys, you had it coming!

In the first few hours of the Huawei denial of service attacks, the bewilderment and confusion of being unable to access social media apps soon turned to anger. This was triggered by the fact that the masses were unable to access social media apps to tell one another that they could not access social media apps. They soon realised they couldn’t remember any contact details of any of their virtual friends, or why they were virtual friends in the first place. Neither could they remember where they were, or where anything else was, or how to find their way around the real world at all. And without the Uber app they found themselves physically marooned within the perimeters of their ignorance. Deliveroo failed to respond the following day, so to avoid starvation, people who had a strong sense of smell managed to find their way to MacDonalds. But the computers were down and riots began when the Cola ran out, as slow-motion customers blamed Covid19 for the fact that China and the USA were having a software spat.

That night, the younger, more active elements of society went on the rampage and looted Tescos for pot noodles, which was a total waste of effort because the electric kettles no longer worked, thanks to smart-meter reliance on dodgy apps. Tuesday evening, after martial law and compulsory prayers, the county lines failed to supply recreational drugs to their app-driven client base, and hospitals were targeted to fill the gap in the market. Amusing video clips of the descent into chaos were not shared, not because of any sense of social responsibility but because Instagram was kaput. This added to the howling rage of the mob more than somewhat. Then, not long after the dogs began to disappear, the hunting of the weak began, and there was the smell of woodsmoke and bacon in the air. On a more positive note, a lot of overweight people slimmed down fast and learned new skills like shadow puppetry and crossbow production.

And so it was that all those predictions how civilisation would end as the result of electro-magnetic-pulse attacks turned out to be wrong. There was no need to launch missiles, zap communications or fry every electronic circuit in the land. All it took was an old man with an orange face to start a pissing contest. The irony that the old man’s preferred means of communication was Twitter is not lost on me, but then I don’t need Google Maps to tell me that we’re all up shit creek without a paddle.

And that, dear reader, is how come we all ended up on the Huawei to Hell.

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Artist Pairing Success with Ariana May and Daisy Chute

10
Mar

Artist Pairing Success with Ariana May and Daisy Chute

Pioneers of Jeeni’s new artist pairing initiative, Daisy Chute and Ariana May sit down with Jeeni’s Ella Venvell to trade advice, take notes and reflect on the ups and downs of an independent music career.   The aim of Jeeni’s artist pairing initiative is to create a supportive connection between like-minded musicians as a platform for them to encourage and uplift each other during their ongoing journeys in music. Last week, singer-songwriters, Ariana and Daisy provided a perfect blueprint for the initiative.  Having already worked on six projects spanning from 2005, award-winning singer-songwriter Daisy Chute had reams of invaluable tips and experience. Despite occasionally claiming that she had ran out of decent advice, in actuality, Daisy’s insight was vast and clearly very helpful to theatrical pop prodigy, Ariana who seemed to hang on to every word.  Daisy recommended that Ariana should embrace promotion tools, merchandise, CDs, social media techniques and live streaming, all of which has proved to be effective devices for Daisy’s journey in music.  We listened together to Ariana’s enchanting ‘Suffolk Bay’, a moving, transportive new single featuring Ariana’s delicate, flickering vocal performance, reminiscent of The Cranberries’ late Dolores O’Riordan. A more prominent influence, as pointed out by Daisy is art pop royalty Kate Bush who, like Ariana, also began her career at just 16 years old.   Daisy currently opts for more traditional, folk acoustic instruments for her newest project, ‘Songs of Solace’, a heartfelt and sentimental EP which guides the listener ‘through the beginning, middle and end of a relationship’. The two artists overlap in their tendencies for poetic story-telling and embrace of traditional instrumentation, however a key difference in their styles is the tone, or mood that these artists convey. Daisy presents an acoustic warmth and comfort with sweeping folk strings and guitar plucking, whereas Ariana’s singles currently have an almost chilling tone of drama and theatre whilst also being a pleasant listening experience.  With our first venture into the initiative, Daisy Chute and Ariana May provided a model example of how it should pan out; constructive and invaluable support between artists. As Daisy put it, “It was lovely to meet Ariana and hear her music and story. I told her a bit about my music and journey in the industry and gave her any tips I’ve picked up along the way. I hope it will help her with her own musical journey and that she’ll find success now and in the future.”  We at Jeeni can’t wait to bring more artists together and form a stronger collaborative and supportive community with our platform.  Both of these Jeeniuses have brand new EPs, out now.  How can Jeeni support artists like Ariana and Daisy?  JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience.  • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make. • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way. • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect. • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team Check out Daisy Chute's page on Jeeni: https://jeeni.com/?s=daisy+chute Check out Ariana May's page on Jeeni: https://jeeni.com/?s=ariana+may 

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Mel's bedtime story

10
Jun

Mel's bedtime story

Once upon a time, I created a platform called jeeni.com which is where independent artists perform their music in front of new fans, and get rewarded for their efforts. On a Saturday night we ran a live global music festival featuring 18 acts from both sides of the Atlantic. The oldest performer was over 70, the youngest was under 10. They were brilliant, each in their own way. We broadcast over social media and websites. There were no adverts, there were no fakes, there was no hype. It didn't cost us a penny to run. Everyone had a ball. We are part of a revolutionary process that is killing a corrupt and rotting music industry which has held both audience and performer to ransom since the 1890s. So if you will indulge me, I'd like to tell you how, and why ... I'm an old hoarder, I hoard old music recordings, and when I say old I mean really old. Upstairs, in what was once a studio but has turned into an Irish Setter leisure lounge, there are several hundred wax cylinders from the 1890s. Each cylinder is a unique recording from an age before duplication was possible. If Miss Florrie Forde wanted to sell a hundred copies of Hold Your Hand Out You Naughty Boy to her adoring public, then she had to keep lubricated and trill the bloody thing into a brass horn a hundred times and record it onto wax in real time. But to me the beauty of these cylinders is not that each one is a unique recording, but that each one is mercifully short, rotating at 120 revolutions a minute and lasting a meagre two minutes, because that's all a wax cylinder can hold. And so the two minute pop single was born. At the start of the twentieth century discs replaced cylinders, but not a lot changed. I have another room full of shellac discs that spin at 78 revolutions a minute. When it came to pop singles from artists bringing joy to the world throughout the first half of the twentieth century, they had just under three minutes to do it in. And if they were any good, just under three minutes was plenty. I feel personally to blame for what happened next, because in the hour of my birth in 1948, the microgroove vinyl disc hit the market, spinning at what my Irish chums call dirty tree and a turd revolutions per minute. I have an entire wall of vinyl albums, with their glorious covers and sleeve notes. And yes, they are arranged in alphabetical order by artist and date-order of release. Their storage capacity is approximately twenty-five minutes a side, which is usually twenty-two minutes too long. And on the opposite wall is where all my CDs sulk, each one capable of storing seventy-four minutes of audio, and not one of them played since the turn of this century. Why? Because a hacker called SoloH went and ripped the source code of something called the Fraunhofer MP3 encoder and spread it all over the internet for free. Thanks to SoloH, I can not only digitise my entire collection of recorded music without any restrictions on playing time, I can access the entire library of everything that has ever been recorded, for ever. My phone weighs exactly the same as my 78rpm copy of Little Richard's single Tutti Frutti, which runs for two minutes 28 seconds of total perfection. My phone holds 21,417 tracks in MP3 format, some of them complete symphonies, which are pretty good, some of them prog-rock drum solos, as used by Viet Cong torturers to break the spirit of the enemy. My desktop hard drive and cloud-accounts contain too many tracks to keep track of. I declare that my motivation for amassing this ludicrous collection of music was that one day it would bring me comfort in my old age, when my body and brain become enfeebled and I feel the need to keep hold of past pleasures while dying. As it turns out, I started playing my collection early, during lockdown, and wished I was dead by the end of day three. The singles were great, but the albums were mostly insufferable. Which is when I realised that the music album is stone dead, and the nightmare of a lifetime of audio padding is finally over. Then the real truth hit me. The recorded music industry is dead too. Thanks to COVID19 there has been an explosion of new creativity. Everyone is now a record producer, anyone can run a broadcast music channel, and that's exactly what everyone and anyone seems to be doing, including me. The spongers and leeches and shysters have been exposed as completely unnecessary, as have most of the agents, publicists and managers. They are no longer able to milk performers in our new world of social distancing, because they have lost their power. It's the remote audience that now has the power, and this audience wants instant gratification, not a load of overhyped, overwrought, overlong, flimflam. Jeeni.com is my final project in a very long career. I'm giving my artists three minutes per track to nail it, because that's what my old hoard tells me is right. And I hope you agree that in order to shine, three minutes is all that anyone should ever need.

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So what else is the Music Industry doing?

05
Jun

So what else is the Music Industry doing?

The Musicians Union offer of a £200 grant really is not going to cut it and with most musicians and performers self employed we urgently need the government to provide clarity on what wider support is available. In yesterday's Guardian, Ben Beaumont-Thomas reported that: "On Friday, the Federation of Entertainment Unions, which comprises the Musicians’ Union, the Bectu section of Prospect, Equity, the National Union of Journalists and the Writers’ Guild of Great Britain, called for the government “to introduce an income guarantee for freelance and self-employed workers for the duration of the Covid-19 outbreak.A separate petition to the UK government, asking for economic assistance for those working in the events industry, has been signed by nearly 150,000 people. A huge number of tours and music festivals have already been cancelled because of coronavirus, including Glastonbury and Coachella. Many musicians have started performing via online livestreams, including – as part of the World Health Organisation and Global Citizen initiative Together at Home – Chris Martin, John Legend and Camila Cabello. Other stars have pledged financial support for relief initiatives – Rihanna’s Clara Lionel Foundation donated $5m (£4.2m) to various organisations, while Ciara and her husband, Russell Wilson, donated a million meals to a food bank in their home city of Seattle. The US Recording Academy – which organises the Grammys – announced a relief fund for musicians affected by coronavirus via its charity arm, MusiCares." Let's keep Rocking 'n' Rolling Folks. It is time for positive action!

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