Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

Huawei to Hell

/ By
Huawei to Hell

Today, Jeeni returns to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “We’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases to hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s Mel’s latest!

Trade wars are dangerous. When tariffs are imposed, and when sanctions get slapped on, and when one nation ceases to trade with another nation, then a trade war has a funny habit of turning into a real war. And here we all are, slap bang in the middle of a lulu of a trade war between the world’s two most powerful states. This is a trade war that’s not based on essentials like oil, or wheat, or toilet paper, but a trade war based on the pixies and fairy-dust of software algorithms. One day a peace treaty is waved, next day missiles are launched. Here is what happened in the future.

The proxy war between the Donald Trump and Boris Johnson axis against Xi Jinping didn’t affect me much, seeing as I had never owned a Huawei handset. I admit that I did find some comfort in the fact that cellphone zombies became totally bereft at the prospect of not being able to view TikTok on their little Chinese screens. All I could say to those morons was - suck it up guys, you had it coming!

In the first few hours of the Huawei denial of service attacks, the bewilderment and confusion of being unable to access social media apps soon turned to anger. This was triggered by the fact that the masses were unable to access social media apps to tell one another that they could not access social media apps. They soon realised they couldn’t remember any contact details of any of their virtual friends, or why they were virtual friends in the first place. Neither could they remember where they were, or where anything else was, or how to find their way around the real world at all. And without the Uber app they found themselves physically marooned within the perimeters of their ignorance. Deliveroo failed to respond the following day, so to avoid starvation, people who had a strong sense of smell managed to find their way to MacDonalds. But the computers were down and riots began when the Cola ran out, as slow-motion customers blamed Covid19 for the fact that China and the USA were having a software spat.

That night, the younger, more active elements of society went on the rampage and looted Tescos for pot noodles, which was a total waste of effort because the electric kettles no longer worked, thanks to smart-meter reliance on dodgy apps. Tuesday evening, after martial law and compulsory prayers, the county lines failed to supply recreational drugs to their app-driven client base, and hospitals were targeted to fill the gap in the market. Amusing video clips of the descent into chaos were not shared, not because of any sense of social responsibility but because Instagram was kaput. This added to the howling rage of the mob more than somewhat. Then, not long after the dogs began to disappear, the hunting of the weak began, and there was the smell of woodsmoke and bacon in the air. On a more positive note, a lot of overweight people slimmed down fast and learned new skills like shadow puppetry and crossbow production.

And so it was that all those predictions how civilisation would end as the result of electro-magnetic-pulse attacks turned out to be wrong. There was no need to launch missiles, zap communications or fry every electronic circuit in the land. All it took was an old man with an orange face to start a pissing contest. The irony that the old man’s preferred means of communication was Twitter is not lost on me, but then I don’t need Google Maps to tell me that we’re all up shit creek without a paddle.

And that, dear reader, is how come we all ended up on the Huawei to Hell.

BACK
Patti Smith - Piccadilly Circus Takeover

12
Mar

Patti Smith - Piccadilly Circus Takeover

To celebrate 50 years since Patti Smith's first poetry performance at St Mark’s Church, New York in 1971, January 2021 sees Smith taking over all the light screens at London’s Piccadilly Circus. Being brought to the venue by Circa, curated by the digital artist Josef O’Connor and designed specifically to adhere to social distancing and lockdown restrictions, the installation and Piccadilly Circus takeover, will combine art, music, poetry and prose, and include two recorded performances – one scheduled for midnight on New Year’s Eve and another on the day of the US presidential inauguration on 20 January. Patti Smith in Piccadilly Circus - Photograph Circa Talking to Fiona Sturges from The Guardian, Smith explains, “Some of the work I did in my bedroom, some in a recording studio and some at my desk,” says Smith, 74 this week. “I had to teach myself how to use Photo Booth on my computer and film myself reading a poem. I’m sure there are 14-year-olds who can do this in five minutes but it took me quite a while. But I got there and I’m so proud of myself.” Her favourite piece is a reworked version of Peaceable Kingdom. Written in the aftermath of 9/11, it is a song of solace and hope in the face of catastrophe and, in performing it, Smith will be commemorating 100 NHS workers who have died from Covid. “It’s just so sad when we lose people who work so hard to rebuild our world,” she reflects. She will also read a new poem dedicated to the environmental campaigner Greta Thunberg, who will be 18 in January and who, Smith says, “pretty much sacrificed her childhood for all of us”. Four years under Trump has also taken its toll. “It’s been a terrible atmosphere to live in,” she says. “You try to do your work and not let [politics] permeate your consciousness daily but it does. It’s very insidious.” She notes that she and the outgoing president are about the same age. “I have encountered him in New York through the years and found him a horrible, narcissistic person and just a bad businessman. I’ve seen the debris of his deals. I think the damage he has done is going to be felt for a long time. It’s not going to be so easily healed because globally he has empowered people of a like mind.” Nonetheless she will take “huge psychological relief in the new administration. I’m a natural optimist so I’m not without hope or inspiration. What matters is trying to clean up some of his mess and get some order. I’m doing that in my house. I’m a messy person, and I know that before I can do something creative or exciting I’ve first got to clear everything away.” Circa presents Patti Smith throughout January at 20:21 GMT at Piccadilly Lights, London. A limited-edition print by Smith will be available to buy for £100 from 1 January. Viewers can watch the installation on YouTube from 23:45 GMT on 31 December. Words - Fiona Sturges at The Guardian

Read more
Mel's bedtime story

10
Jun

Mel's bedtime story

Once upon a time, I created a platform called jeeni.com which is where independent artists perform their music in front of new fans, and get rewarded for their efforts. On a Saturday night we ran a live global music festival featuring 18 acts from both sides of the Atlantic. The oldest performer was over 70, the youngest was under 10. They were brilliant, each in their own way. We broadcast over social media and websites. There were no adverts, there were no fakes, there was no hype. It didn't cost us a penny to run. Everyone had a ball. We are part of a revolutionary process that is killing a corrupt and rotting music industry which has held both audience and performer to ransom since the 1890s. So if you will indulge me, I'd like to tell you how, and why ... I'm an old hoarder, I hoard old music recordings, and when I say old I mean really old. Upstairs, in what was once a studio but has turned into an Irish Setter leisure lounge, there are several hundred wax cylinders from the 1890s. Each cylinder is a unique recording from an age before duplication was possible. If Miss Florrie Forde wanted to sell a hundred copies of Hold Your Hand Out You Naughty Boy to her adoring public, then she had to keep lubricated and trill the bloody thing into a brass horn a hundred times and record it onto wax in real time. But to me the beauty of these cylinders is not that each one is a unique recording, but that each one is mercifully short, rotating at 120 revolutions a minute and lasting a meagre two minutes, because that's all a wax cylinder can hold. And so the two minute pop single was born. At the start of the twentieth century discs replaced cylinders, but not a lot changed. I have another room full of shellac discs that spin at 78 revolutions a minute. When it came to pop singles from artists bringing joy to the world throughout the first half of the twentieth century, they had just under three minutes to do it in. And if they were any good, just under three minutes was plenty. I feel personally to blame for what happened next, because in the hour of my birth in 1948, the microgroove vinyl disc hit the market, spinning at what my Irish chums call dirty tree and a turd revolutions per minute. I have an entire wall of vinyl albums, with their glorious covers and sleeve notes. And yes, they are arranged in alphabetical order by artist and date-order of release. Their storage capacity is approximately twenty-five minutes a side, which is usually twenty-two minutes too long. And on the opposite wall is where all my CDs sulk, each one capable of storing seventy-four minutes of audio, and not one of them played since the turn of this century. Why? Because a hacker called SoloH went and ripped the source code of something called the Fraunhofer MP3 encoder and spread it all over the internet for free. Thanks to SoloH, I can not only digitise my entire collection of recorded music without any restrictions on playing time, I can access the entire library of everything that has ever been recorded, for ever. My phone weighs exactly the same as my 78rpm copy of Little Richard's single Tutti Frutti, which runs for two minutes 28 seconds of total perfection. My phone holds 21,417 tracks in MP3 format, some of them complete symphonies, which are pretty good, some of them prog-rock drum solos, as used by Viet Cong torturers to break the spirit of the enemy. My desktop hard drive and cloud-accounts contain too many tracks to keep track of. I declare that my motivation for amassing this ludicrous collection of music was that one day it would bring me comfort in my old age, when my body and brain become enfeebled and I feel the need to keep hold of past pleasures while dying. As it turns out, I started playing my collection early, during lockdown, and wished I was dead by the end of day three. The singles were great, but the albums were mostly insufferable. Which is when I realised that the music album is stone dead, and the nightmare of a lifetime of audio padding is finally over. Then the real truth hit me. The recorded music industry is dead too. Thanks to COVID19 there has been an explosion of new creativity. Everyone is now a record producer, anyone can run a broadcast music channel, and that's exactly what everyone and anyone seems to be doing, including me. The spongers and leeches and shysters have been exposed as completely unnecessary, as have most of the agents, publicists and managers. They are no longer able to milk performers in our new world of social distancing, because they have lost their power. It's the remote audience that now has the power, and this audience wants instant gratification, not a load of overhyped, overwrought, overlong, flimflam. Jeeni.com is my final project in a very long career. I'm giving my artists three minutes per track to nail it, because that's what my old hoard tells me is right. And I hope you agree that in order to shine, three minutes is all that anyone should ever need.

Read more
A Year In Provence - ‘Bleeding’ Single Review

09
May

A Year In Provence - ‘Bleeding’ Single Review

The latest of just two electric singles from this emerging Kent rock force, ‘Bleeding’ shows a passion and level of musicianship that can’t be faked.  As is a recurring development for blossoming artists, the pandemic produced the current, streamlined ‘A Year In Provence’ line-up. All hailing from Kent, AYIP currently consists of: Matt Porter controlling the melodies with his powerful vocals, the bass, handled assertively by Adam Bacon, James Ferner providing groove-essential rhythm guitar and backing vocals, Dan Wing for the commanding lead guitar and Jack Smith’s drumming, rhythmically guiding the entire ensemble through their rock-pop callbacks.  Brand new to Jeeni, AYIP have contributed both of their excellent tracks to their Jeeni showcase, adding even more substance to the rock channel. Check out their young, yet exhilarating showcase here: https://jeeni.com/showcase/a-year-in-provence/.  ‘Bleeding’ takes its time, structurally, and interestingly doesn’t typically call back to previous sections, at least not in their initial forms. This single opens with full, proud classic pop-rock guitar chords that ring out mostly in the offbeats, certainly in lieu of Weezer’s ‘Say It Ain’t So’ albeit with a more present energy in the verses.   As the other parts join, the attention and care taken to the mix is made obvious. Crystal clear vocals show no sign of struggling to be heard over the washy cymbals, or three layers of guitar, not an easy feat for a band so early in their discography. No parts eat into other areas and are individually made clear and present.  This single is constantly moving and progresses organically much like a live performance, as you can hear the members grow in energy; the alternative to which is to harvest previously recorded parts and use identical pieces of audio in several, different places which, although is sometimes a logistical necessity in a studio, often results in an unplaceable feeling of “sameyness” and a lack of effort, something that cannot be heard at all in ‘Bleeding’.  As is also a theme with Jeeni’s budding new artists, A Year In Provence have made certain promises with their singles, and something about the five-piece inspires hope about fulfilling such promises. Check out their showcase here: https://jeeni.com/showcase/a-year-in-provence/.  How can Jeeni support artists like A Year In Provence?   JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience.  • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make.  • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way.  • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect.  • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team. 

Read more