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Huawei to Hell

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Huawei to Hell

Today, Jeeni returns to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “We’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases to hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s Mel’s latest!

Trade wars are dangerous. When tariffs are imposed, and when sanctions get slapped on, and when one nation ceases to trade with another nation, then a trade war has a funny habit of turning into a real war. And here we all are, slap bang in the middle of a lulu of a trade war between the world’s two most powerful states. This is a trade war that’s not based on essentials like oil, or wheat, or toilet paper, but a trade war based on the pixies and fairy-dust of software algorithms. One day a peace treaty is waved, next day missiles are launched. Here is what happened in the future.

The proxy war between the Donald Trump and Boris Johnson axis against Xi Jinping didn’t affect me much, seeing as I had never owned a Huawei handset. I admit that I did find some comfort in the fact that cellphone zombies became totally bereft at the prospect of not being able to view TikTok on their little Chinese screens. All I could say to those morons was - suck it up guys, you had it coming!

In the first few hours of the Huawei denial of service attacks, the bewilderment and confusion of being unable to access social media apps soon turned to anger. This was triggered by the fact that the masses were unable to access social media apps to tell one another that they could not access social media apps. They soon realised they couldn’t remember any contact details of any of their virtual friends, or why they were virtual friends in the first place. Neither could they remember where they were, or where anything else was, or how to find their way around the real world at all. And without the Uber app they found themselves physically marooned within the perimeters of their ignorance. Deliveroo failed to respond the following day, so to avoid starvation, people who had a strong sense of smell managed to find their way to MacDonalds. But the computers were down and riots began when the Cola ran out, as slow-motion customers blamed Covid19 for the fact that China and the USA were having a software spat.

That night, the younger, more active elements of society went on the rampage and looted Tescos for pot noodles, which was a total waste of effort because the electric kettles no longer worked, thanks to smart-meter reliance on dodgy apps. Tuesday evening, after martial law and compulsory prayers, the county lines failed to supply recreational drugs to their app-driven client base, and hospitals were targeted to fill the gap in the market. Amusing video clips of the descent into chaos were not shared, not because of any sense of social responsibility but because Instagram was kaput. This added to the howling rage of the mob more than somewhat. Then, not long after the dogs began to disappear, the hunting of the weak began, and there was the smell of woodsmoke and bacon in the air. On a more positive note, a lot of overweight people slimmed down fast and learned new skills like shadow puppetry and crossbow production.

And so it was that all those predictions how civilisation would end as the result of electro-magnetic-pulse attacks turned out to be wrong. There was no need to launch missiles, zap communications or fry every electronic circuit in the land. All it took was an old man with an orange face to start a pissing contest. The irony that the old man’s preferred means of communication was Twitter is not lost on me, but then I don’t need Google Maps to tell me that we’re all up shit creek without a paddle.

And that, dear reader, is how come we all ended up on the Huawei to Hell.

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Jeeni - 'Coming Into Focus'

12
Mar

Jeeni - 'Coming Into Focus'

Friday 22 January saw the first of a month long project for Jeeni, as they work to connect directly with their members. 'Coming Into Focus' is a collection of Zoom meetings, set up for Friday afternoons at 2pm, giving performers, artists, writers and fans the chance to relay their user experiences and chat directly to the directors of the business. With music platforms under increasing scrutiny from government committees, as well as their users, now seems the perfect time to meet the feedback face to face. Jeeni's ethos of 'Ethical, Honest, Fair' means they aren't afraid to hear what many are choosing to ignore. The directors' believe their platform can offer a better way for the music industry to operate and have been striving for this for the past 3 years. From an online 'open' invite, the whole of social media was invited to register for the meeting and for a first outing, the take up was good. There was also a quick questionnaire to complete, to give an outline of usage of the platform. Once into the Zoom arena, guests were personally greeted by CEO Shena Mitchell, who gave a short briefing on the company, the reasons for starting the focus group project and it's plans going forward. The attendees were then given the 'floor' to discuss their experiences. 'Coming Into Focus' - Jeeni meeting The group was an international mix of musicians, songwriters and music fans, with their feedback being extremely positive. All were amazed musicians, artists and performers were going to be earning 100% of the income generated by their postings, merchandise and tickets. This was seen as a huge positive against other platform competitors. There were some great ideas coming from the group, which Jeeni is interested in developing further. One of the attendants, a recent graduate of The Songwriting Academy was keen to understand the process of uploading his work, and generating an income from this. Another participant, recently arrived from the Southern Hemisphere to the UK, wants to use the site and the Jeeni network to connect with fellow musicians and music fans. Shena was also told, fans want easy access to new and diverse music, rather than the constant stream of similar tracks which follow your previous choices on other platforms. The next 'Coming Into Focus' meeting is scheduled for Friday 29 January at 2pm. To receive your invite, follow the link and register your details, http://focusgroupjeeni.eventbrite.co.uk/. There is even a rumour Roger Watson, an industry legend and Jeeni ambassador, who has sold over 500-million albums in his incredible career, may join the call! www.jeeni.com

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Crunch Time for Festivals

12
Mar

Crunch Time for Festivals

January 2021 is going to be crunch time for festivals. In this still, uncertain time, the organisers of the UK's biggest events remain on a knife edge about festivals being able to go-ahead. Michael Eavis has pinned his hopes on mass vaccination of the country, so Glastonbury can still happen this year. He received his jab, just before new year. Whilst Emily Eavis has been countering claims their festival has already been cancelled and confirming tickets will be rolled over to 2022. Micheal Eavis at Glastonbury - Photo: Getty UK Music have shared a new report, Let the Music Play: Save Our Summer 2021, outlining their recommendations for how to restart the UK’s live music industry. As MPs on the Digital, Culture, Media and Sport Select Committee open their inquiry into ‘The future of UK music festivals’ today (January 5), UK Music – whose CEO Jamie Njoku-Goodwin is among those set to give evidence to the inquiry stating the document “outlines a clear strategy to protect and support the multi-billion pound live music industry so it is ready to restart when safe to do so later this year”. Read the report below: https://www.ukmusic.org/assets/general/Let_The_Music_Play_Save_Our_Summer_2021.pdf “The music industry has worked hard to make event spaces as safe as they can possibly be,” UK Music said in a statement accompanying the new report. “This includes launching testing pilots to be able to hold mass events safely, working with government to develop guidance for how to hold events safely, and looking at new ventilation and air purification systems that would dramatically reduce the risk of transmission. “But there is no certainty about when the industry will be allowed to hold mass events once again.” The report warns that the lack of coronavirus cancellation insurance is “the biggest barrier to major events happening in 2021”, and calls on the UK Government to implement an insurance scheme as it has done for the film and TV sector. Key action points in the report are, “an indicative date for a full capacity restart” for venues and festivals, a government-backed indemnity scheme and targeted financial support for the live music industry. UK Music are also calling for an extension to the VAT rate reduction on tickets, a rollover of the paid 2020 Local Authority licence fees for festivals to 2021 and an extension to business rates relief. Up to 50% of the festival workforce faces possible redundancy if the 2021 season is cancelled and a report by the Musicians' Union stated 71% of musicians were considering leaving the sector or were unsure if they would continue. According to Steve Heap, the general secretary of the Association of Festival Organisers (AFO), major music festivals would have to make a decision about their 2021 editions this month. Smaller festivals, however, could put off cancelling until April. Though the pandemic is still wreaking havoc across the UK the crunch time is definitely, now. The industry and the fans need to know!

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My grandfather was killed by a rubbish truck.

06
Jun

My grandfather was killed by a rubbish truck.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with all our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s one of Mel’s latest! One bright Autumn morning, my grandfather was killed by a rubbish truck. He got run over crossing the road on his regular walk to work. He was 84. And I am comforted to know that he loved his work as much as he loved his walk. As for me, I have yet to reach that ripe old age but I am still working most hours, most days. It's not so much that I love my work, more that I don't know what else to do. When I was younger, so much younger than today, I was promised a sci-fi world where all labour would be performed by robots, leaving us humans to enjoy a more meaningful existence. Before my grandfather was born, Karl Marx wrote that in a mechanised society workers would be freed from the monotony of work to “hunt in the morning, fish in the afternoon, criticise after dinner.” My grandfather certainly never saw such a sci-fi world or Marxist society, and I'm still waiting for it. But the way things are going I may not have to wait much longer for robots to take over the tedium of work. Judging by their behaviour, I suspect that most telemarketers, receptionists, estate agents and bar tenders were replaced by robots ages ago. And for drivers, machine operators and manual workers, it can only be only a matter of time. The first robot aircraft pilot took to the skies then navigated flawlessly and landed safely way back in 1947. Robots have been successfully conducting complex heart surgery since 2004. Artificial intelligence has already reached the cognitive power of a nine year-old human, in which case it is qualified to run for President of the USA in November. But do we really need political leaders to tell us how best to fill our waking hours? If we can develop all these technological wonders then we should be smart enough to work it out for ourselves. Our waking hours are dominated by work, whether we are in work or not. Strikers are depicted as troublemakers. Artists are depicted as idle. The poor are depicted as scroungers. The state cajoles the unemployed, the sick and the disabled to get off their arses and work. We are educated with the goal of work in mind, then having worked all our lives we are grudgingly handed back a mingy pension which we paid for in the first place. The idealised worker works in order to pay the childminder, the Deliveroo driver, the dog walker, the baker, the brewer, the app maker, because the idealised worker has no time left for such things. The idealised worker is too busy working to do any of these things for herself. For huge numbers of us the significance of the old certainties of community, religion, politics, and even family, have all fallen away to be replaced by work. For huge numbers of us work is how we give our lives meaning, while at the same time work has become more precarious, more impersonal, more stressful, and the app-driven gig economy is a perfect example of this. Yet everybody knows that automation is already capable of doing most manual jobs of work, and now artificial intelligence is predicted as achieving the capability of taking over most desk-bound jobs too. Since the pandemic, the entire framework of work is falling apart. But as a species we are not hardwired to work for a living. We never have been. We were lied to by those who said we must work, either to deserve a mythological afterlife, or protect an artificial realm, or for supposed honour, or someone else's glory, or for tokens of currency that can only be spent at the store owned by the company that issues those tokens in the first place. But of course all of those motivations are a con. And an obvious con at that. So here's the thing. Now we have cheap reliable technology, let's get all the robots to do as much of the muscle work as they can, and let's get all the artificial intelligences to do as much of the brain work as they can. Then let's redistribute the remaining working hours evenly to we the people, and in return pay ourselves some of that fabricated stuff called money so we can buy good food and decent shelter. By my reckoning six hours a day, three days a week will do nicely to pick up the slack left by the robots. Work needn't be useless. Work includes child-rearing, caring for the elderly and protecting the vulnerable. It also includes growing food, dreaming up new businesses and fixing the tap. And work includes creating music and dance and poetry and streaming it on Jeeni.com. It is self-evident that all valid work is worth the same valid reward. This is not a Marxist idea, or even a socialist proposal. It's the Tories who bang on about work being such a good thing and everyone pulling their weight, and I completely agree with them. Margaret Thatcher, that champion of work culture, said, “The heresies of one period become the orthodoxies of the next.” Yes indeedy, so bring on the robots and the electronic brains. If work is such a good thing then let everyone have a go for a few hours a week for a universal payment. And don't worry about how the payment is distributed, the accounts have all been reckoned by computers for years. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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