Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

Huawei to Hell

/ By
Huawei to Hell

Today, Jeeni returns to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “We’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases to hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s Mel’s latest!

Trade wars are dangerous. When tariffs are imposed, and when sanctions get slapped on, and when one nation ceases to trade with another nation, then a trade war has a funny habit of turning into a real war. And here we all are, slap bang in the middle of a lulu of a trade war between the world’s two most powerful states. This is a trade war that’s not based on essentials like oil, or wheat, or toilet paper, but a trade war based on the pixies and fairy-dust of software algorithms. One day a peace treaty is waved, next day missiles are launched. Here is what happened in the future.

The proxy war between the Donald Trump and Boris Johnson axis against Xi Jinping didn’t affect me much, seeing as I had never owned a Huawei handset. I admit that I did find some comfort in the fact that cellphone zombies became totally bereft at the prospect of not being able to view TikTok on their little Chinese screens. All I could say to those morons was - suck it up guys, you had it coming!

In the first few hours of the Huawei denial of service attacks, the bewilderment and confusion of being unable to access social media apps soon turned to anger. This was triggered by the fact that the masses were unable to access social media apps to tell one another that they could not access social media apps. They soon realised they couldn’t remember any contact details of any of their virtual friends, or why they were virtual friends in the first place. Neither could they remember where they were, or where anything else was, or how to find their way around the real world at all. And without the Uber app they found themselves physically marooned within the perimeters of their ignorance. Deliveroo failed to respond the following day, so to avoid starvation, people who had a strong sense of smell managed to find their way to MacDonalds. But the computers were down and riots began when the Cola ran out, as slow-motion customers blamed Covid19 for the fact that China and the USA were having a software spat.

That night, the younger, more active elements of society went on the rampage and looted Tescos for pot noodles, which was a total waste of effort because the electric kettles no longer worked, thanks to smart-meter reliance on dodgy apps. Tuesday evening, after martial law and compulsory prayers, the county lines failed to supply recreational drugs to their app-driven client base, and hospitals were targeted to fill the gap in the market. Amusing video clips of the descent into chaos were not shared, not because of any sense of social responsibility but because Instagram was kaput. This added to the howling rage of the mob more than somewhat. Then, not long after the dogs began to disappear, the hunting of the weak began, and there was the smell of woodsmoke and bacon in the air. On a more positive note, a lot of overweight people slimmed down fast and learned new skills like shadow puppetry and crossbow production.

And so it was that all those predictions how civilisation would end as the result of electro-magnetic-pulse attacks turned out to be wrong. There was no need to launch missiles, zap communications or fry every electronic circuit in the land. All it took was an old man with an orange face to start a pissing contest. The irony that the old man’s preferred means of communication was Twitter is not lost on me, but then I don’t need Google Maps to tell me that we’re all up shit creek without a paddle.

And that, dear reader, is how come we all ended up on the Huawei to Hell.

22
Jun

Oasis Maybe at The Gaiety Southsea on South Parade Pier

COMPETITION TIME WIN FREE ACCESS FOR A GROUP OF 6  Oasis Maybe at The Gaiety Southsea on South Parade Pier Sunday 13th June 7pm - 11pm Oasis Maybe were formed in late 2013 in Birmingham by five close friends and fans of Oasis. Since forming they have become one of the most in demand Oasis tribute bands on the scene and boasting to be the only Oasis tribute band to have performed live with an original Oasis band member – Tony McCarroll. They attempt to capture the sound look and feel of the Band from the 1994-1997 era performing tracks from ‘Definitely Maybe’ and ‘What’s the Story Morning Glory’ with a few famous B-sides thrown in for good measure. GIVEAWAY! We have 3 x tables for 6 people to give away for free, for the Oasis Tribute band at South parade pier in the Gaiety on Sunday night from 7pm to 11pm again saving £60 per table. How to win: All you have to do is like and share this blog post and we will enter you into the draw to be announced Saturday Night 12 June 2021 at 8pm.  Full Details of event can be found at: https://book.events/maybeoasis/2021-06-13/29861 #oasistribute #britpop #oasismaybe #pop #rock #livemusicinportsmouth #tonymccarroll

06
Jan

DarkStarGraver - 'Over The Bridge & Far Away' Album Review

If you had any familiarity with this Portsmouth rapper's refreshing and inventive brand of UK hip-hop, then it should be of no surprise that his newest album is as buoyant, animated and thought-out as it is. This is the first album DSG has released since becoming an integral part of the Jeeni mission. DarkStar has been an avid Jeenius since Summer last year and has been blessing the Jeeni database with vibrant and innovative artistry ever since. All seven tracks of this incredible project are on Jeeni right now. Jeeni is always looking to represent and uplift artists with visions as clear and focused as DarkStar. DarkStarGraver's biggest crime here is leaving us wanting for more content because although he's cohesively expressed a giant variety of emotions, styles and influences, he took just 18 minutes to do it! He justified the choice of a shorter album on Instagram, "New album is 7 tracks in total, could’ve been more but I like that number", DSG cleverly released this record knowing he has so much more in his artistic tank for the next project.  A clear highlight on this record is the early, consecutive killer features on ‘Running Man’ and ‘No Brainer’ from Kid Crayy and Baby Panna respectively. DSG takes the reigns on these tracks at first and allows his fellow Portsmouth MCs to embellish the final push and create a rememberable climax for these standout tracks. Kid Crayy's attacking flow is restless and constantly bops and weaves around the beat. Baby Panna, however takes his time and makes each syllable hit harder than the last. Panna also performs the ear-worm 'Ride with me' hooks just before and after his verse which just completes the track. DarkStar made it clear that “This project is dedicated to the Portsmouth Hip Hop scene” and made a specific mention to the Portsmouth artists that predate him and thanked them for “Sparking the fire that made me want to rep my hometown as an artist”. A meaningful dedication to a blossoming music scene is a suitable sentiment for such an excellently put together and varied album.  DSG uses his robust and adaptable voice so well on this project that at times, it sounds like extra, unlisted features. For example, a rather high-pitch singing voice for the hooks on ‘On My Way’ is then met with a deep and resonant rapped verse to finish off the short opening track. ‘Gohan’ (review) which was a single teaser for this album, features more of DarkStar’s contagious melodic rapping which is enhanced and made all the more effective with the excellent production of Zack Nailor at WRS Studios.  The hi-hats and 808 bass in the beat for ‘Juice & Gems’ works so well with the jangly acoustic guitar sample, as though they were always meant to be heard together. In fact, the entire album makes such an effective use of samples throughout; ‘Slow Jamz’ has a romantic and theatrical strings sample which turns the rapid, trap-esque beat into a dramatic, epic cut that is just too short. DarkStar also hints at a feral, almost growling voice on this track which provides yet more evidence that DSG will never settle or stop experimenting with what his voice can achieve.  The album ends with class and impact. ‘Over Time’ features a melodramatic female vocal sample which wails over a seductive lounge piano, sparkling under the rumbling beat. The bonus, shorter track, ‘Justice League’ is a moody album finisher containing reams of witty wordplay which flows like water.  Once again, a feat like this album is a credit to producer, Zack Nailor as well as DarkStar himself of course for containing the talent, passion and vision to pull something like this off so seamlessly.  How can Jeeni support artists like DarkStarGraver?   JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience.   • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make.  • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way.  • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect.  • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team.  Check out DarkStarGraver’s Jeeni showcase here: https://jeeni.com/showcase/darkstargraver/ 

02
Sep

Jeeni supports Escape to the Farm

  Jeeni supports Arms Around the Child’s Escape to the Farm Looking for a family day out that supports children in third world countries? Presenting Arms Around The Child’s Escape to the Farm! Located at the idyllic Rushmere Farm in Hambledon, in Southern England's fabulous South Downs National Park, Escape to the Farm is a yoga retreat come summer camp where there is something for everyone. Explore food workshops and pizza making, poetry, eco talks and much more. There’s something for everyone to explore! Need some relaxing after a long six weeks holiday? Try one of the yoga, tai chi or meditation groups, guaranteed to help you take some breathing space and let go of all your worries. With live acoustic performances, storytelling and sound healing, there’s plenty of noise to block out the hustle and bustle of everyday life at Escape to the Farm. Are you a budding art enthusiast? Try your hand at life and nature drawing and learn a new skill. Come evening time you can gather around a roaring campfire before heading to bed in a beautiful yurt or tent of your own. Day Ticket £20 Day Ticket + Lunch & Dinner £35 Camping Per Night £10 Enquire for Accommodation Options Luxury Accommodation Yurts & Camping Escape to the Farm is a fundraiser for the Arms Around The Child charity who are raising money to build a school in Ghana for underprivileged children. Jeeni supports Arms Around The Child, who provide generously for children living in extreme adversity globally. To donate directly to Arms Around The Child you can go to their website www.armsaroundthechild.org/. Arms Around The Child seek to provide sanctuary, community, warmth protection, education, healthcare, safety, family, equality, love, hope and respect. Contact Jeeni Ambassador Ellie Milner for more details and get yourselves down to Escape to the Farm for a day of fun that will leave you fulfilled in all the best ways. Ellie: +447801292553 info@armsaroundthechild.org www.armsaroundthechild.org/