Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

Huawei to Hell

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Huawei to Hell

Today, Jeeni returns to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “We’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases to hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s Mel’s latest!

Trade wars are dangerous. When tariffs are imposed, and when sanctions get slapped on, and when one nation ceases to trade with another nation, then a trade war has a funny habit of turning into a real war. And here we all are, slap bang in the middle of a lulu of a trade war between the world’s two most powerful states. This is a trade war that’s not based on essentials like oil, or wheat, or toilet paper, but a trade war based on the pixies and fairy-dust of software algorithms. One day a peace treaty is waved, next day missiles are launched. Here is what happened in the future.

The proxy war between the Donald Trump and Boris Johnson axis against Xi Jinping didn’t affect me much, seeing as I had never owned a Huawei handset. I admit that I did find some comfort in the fact that cellphone zombies became totally bereft at the prospect of not being able to view TikTok on their little Chinese screens. All I could say to those morons was - suck it up guys, you had it coming!

In the first few hours of the Huawei denial of service attacks, the bewilderment and confusion of being unable to access social media apps soon turned to anger. This was triggered by the fact that the masses were unable to access social media apps to tell one another that they could not access social media apps. They soon realised they couldn’t remember any contact details of any of their virtual friends, or why they were virtual friends in the first place. Neither could they remember where they were, or where anything else was, or how to find their way around the real world at all. And without the Uber app they found themselves physically marooned within the perimeters of their ignorance. Deliveroo failed to respond the following day, so to avoid starvation, people who had a strong sense of smell managed to find their way to MacDonalds. But the computers were down and riots began when the Cola ran out, as slow-motion customers blamed Covid19 for the fact that China and the USA were having a software spat.

That night, the younger, more active elements of society went on the rampage and looted Tescos for pot noodles, which was a total waste of effort because the electric kettles no longer worked, thanks to smart-meter reliance on dodgy apps. Tuesday evening, after martial law and compulsory prayers, the county lines failed to supply recreational drugs to their app-driven client base, and hospitals were targeted to fill the gap in the market. Amusing video clips of the descent into chaos were not shared, not because of any sense of social responsibility but because Instagram was kaput. This added to the howling rage of the mob more than somewhat. Then, not long after the dogs began to disappear, the hunting of the weak began, and there was the smell of woodsmoke and bacon in the air. On a more positive note, a lot of overweight people slimmed down fast and learned new skills like shadow puppetry and crossbow production.

And so it was that all those predictions how civilisation would end as the result of electro-magnetic-pulse attacks turned out to be wrong. There was no need to launch missiles, zap communications or fry every electronic circuit in the land. All it took was an old man with an orange face to start a pissing contest. The irony that the old man’s preferred means of communication was Twitter is not lost on me, but then I don’t need Google Maps to tell me that we’re all up shit creek without a paddle.

And that, dear reader, is how come we all ended up on the Huawei to Hell.

04
Aug

10 Reasons why the world needs Jeeni

My name is Mel Croucher. I'm a record producer and computer nerd. Over the years I've worked with a whole bunch of superstars like Prince, Frank Zappa and Eminem. In other words, I've been around successful musicians all my working life. A few years back I was hearing from more and more artists how unhappy they were with the big streaming services. So I polled 4,200 of them about their Top-Ten Problems with Spotify, Apple Music, Soundcloud, Deezer, and the rest. The poll result was a shocker, and I asked a bunch of the best brains in the music business to help me create an ethical alternative. It's taken us two years, and we call our alternative JEENI. Here's what the artists we polled told us, and here's our Jeeni solution to their problems. 1 - Money. Artists get paid a pittance. Platforms like YouTube pay $0.00069 per view, so even 10,000 views earn us less than the cost of a pizza per month Jeeni solution. OK, we get it. You do all the hard work, so you deserve all the rewards. How about a Jeeni deal where you keep 100% of all music sales, ticketing, and merchandise sold through our platform. 2 - Recognition. We try really hard, but streaming platforms just don't get us more fans or recognition. Jeeni solution. Right. Let's make Jeeni an artist development platform. Our founder invented viral marketing in 1994. Then he achieved the world's first million-user viral campaign. Now he's designed all the tools you need to grow your fanbase and get recognition: all part of the Jeeni service. 3 - Communication. We don't know the identity of who's streaming our stuff, so we can't get in direct contact with anyone who wants to know more about us. Jeeni solution. OK. Here's the deal. With Jeeni you get a built-in fan database to contact everyone who votes for you or likes your work, and you communicate directly with them as often as you like. Safely, legally and all opt-in. 4 - B*llsh*t. The big streaming platforms are full of it. We hate the adverts, we hate the artificial likes, we hate the paid-for recommendations, we hate the hype. Jeeni solution. The answer to this is an ethical alternative. We guarantee Jeeni will stay advert-free. We pledge our charts are the result of democratic votes by real people. And we promise that all Jeeni content comes from genuine unpaid sources. Oh yeah, we'll also pay our taxes in full, because we believe we should make a positive contribution to the society we live in. 5 - Rip-Offs. We just can't breakthrough, and even when we think we're making progress as artists we get ripped off. Jeeni solution. Yep. The entertainment business has always been full of shysters. Let's be honest here, the people behind Jeeni have all made it to the top somehow, and between us, we've made every mistake in the book. Our mission is to help you achieve success and avoid rip-offs. That's why our Jeeni Mentors, Ambassadors and Masterclasses have joined forces to do exactly that. 6 - Choice. The big streaming services all offer similar content, dominated by the same big star names. Jeeni solution. Agreed, so let's ignore the content everyone else uses and leave our competitors to fight it out! Jeeni is designed for undiscovered artists to breakthrough, based on talent alone, not ad-spend. 7 - Channels. My work doesn't fit into mainstream channels. For example, what about channels for spoken word? Jeeni solution. No problem. Jeeni already has dedicated spoken-word channels for poetry, comedy, and voice actors, plus channels for entertainment ranging from dance to videogame soundtracks. And if we don't already have a channel that suits your need ... we'll sit down and create it! 8 - Visibility. People either don't know about our work or can't find it even if they do. Jeeni solution. We've designed the smartest user interface we can. On Jeeni, you can search by name, type of channel, instrumentation, latest uploads, popularity, even by influences and heroes. But above all, our artists have complete control over publicising their own announcements to their specific Jeeni audience. 9 - Fakes. What's the difference between the Jeeni Awards and the fake results dominated by celebrity voting? Jeeni solution. Simple. Jeeni doesn't have celebrity voting. Our Awards will always be based on one member - one vote. No ifs, no buts. 10 - Live performance. I'd like to stream an event, and charge people to watch it. Can Jeeni do that? Jeeni solution. Um, not yet, but we're working on it! Come on now, we're not perfect, so we need your help. Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni raised 50k in the first 5 days and are working hard to get more investors on board with more investments still coming in. When we hit all our targets we can help give our new artists the recognition they deserve. If you want to see our pitch click HERE. You can invest for as little as 10 pounds and you will be directly helping independent musicians and performers take back the control.

07
Apr

Naëve on Music, Performing and Life during 2020

Having described herself as an outcast in life and the music world we ask Naëve what have been the key challenges and new opportunities and ventures that would have never otherwise have been possible. We asked her to tell us about her experiences over the last year whilst we count down to Jeeni’s online JAM festival.  Naëve is a project born at the beginning of 2019 as a rebellion against all rules and constrictions that keeps us into our ‘tiny given little boxes’ since birth. As for the film ‘Big  Fish’, my fishbowl started to feel a little too tight, I needed a bigger one for myself. Labelling and categorising everything, has always been something I refused to comply to since I remember.  I’ve always been an outcast, in life and in the music I write and for this, I haven’t been  always understood.  Felt horrible for a while but, in time, I got that people use to fear what they do not understand, they fear change and what is new so, I made sure to be clearer and clearer for them in time. To my surprise, more and more people started to get closer.  I decided to keep the influences and ditch the genres, even following an emotional and logical tie to every single one of the genres that I rework in my music.  This brand new fusion sub-genre that I would call ‘Retro Groove’, is based pretty much on writing what comes to mind, binding the genres together and following simple melodic similarities. With what concerns lyrics writing, instrumentals is what inspires me. I believe that music in general, is an identification of feelings, emotions that often differ very distinctively from each other, other times, instead, they layer up so, when I write lyrics, I  first listen carefully to the musical part, until it makes me feel something or leads right back to specific memories. Then I write about that. Because I never pretend to be the Diva that I am not, what you find in my songs is exactly what I would say to you if I ever meet you in person. No filters, no beating around the bush, pretty much "what you see (or hear)  is what you get".  I am at a point in my life that I genuinely don’t care about what others may think or if I say something in a way, I may offend someone. I’m living my freedom happily and this, I  believe, is why I can write my songs in ways that have never been done before. I’m not the kind of person sugarcoating thoughts or happening, I try to make them feel sweeter and more bearable because, all in all, life is never like the cover of VOGUE. Also, more often than not, real heroes are the ones who are left unsung. I will sing and about them. I will celebrate them.  Even before my first release, the project caught the attention of several labels. Despite lockdown restrictions, I have already signed a record deal with an international indie label,  been proposed other two record deals and two publishing deals and received very much support from Blogs, pluggers, radios and so on. My fan base has started to grow steadily and I cannot be happier.   For the ‘big sound’ you can hear in my songs, you might think that a whole orchestra or something of the sort has been recorded in it. Truth is, that I work together with an  incredibly talented producer (and boy, oh boy if I am picky with producers) that manages  everytime to get in my head and help developing the initial idea according to the inputs,  lines and melodies I give to him.  For that very reason, I thought to be a good idea to involve a basic big band, usually, because big bands are pretty big so, I needed to recreate that studio sound live but without exceeding the number of players on stage. We are 11.  One of my unreleased songs has even got us into the Yamaha Boogie & Blues future stars competition finals, that was our very first live gig with this project, then the World shut down, exactly two days before the finals.  That was scary, a new born project could have collapsed at any time.  When a project is that new, without the chance of playing live shows, it becomes very  difficult to grow a proper fanbase.  ‘Joy’, my first single release, has been extremely risky to put out. The willingness for people to change is always extremely hard to achieve and I was very concerned about that.  I’m saying this because ‘Joy’ is a Gospel song, a genre that has always mostly been kept within Church doors. I took a leap of faith and... It worked. Many brothers and sisters from  Evangelic Communities around the World started to show their curiosity and support and it absolutely felt like winning the Euro Million!!  The idea before ‘Joy’ was something between the lines: ‘Wow, Gospel music is such beautiful uplifting music of hope, let’s bring it to everyone. That was the reason behind this song.  Thinking about it now, I feel very happy about how everything is progressing, mainly seeing how much interest people are having in my music.  I decided to continue to write during the lockdown and between them, when was possible and safe to go recording, I decided to continue and work about the messages that I want to pass to my supporters and so ‘L.A.M.E.’ was born.  Feminism is quite present in my work and more than ever is a concept, a way of life that needs to be supported today. Sometimes, I really believe that there has been a strong regression regarding how women are perceived in society and in the Music Industry. It seems, somehow, that very often women are seen as something that has to be used, not cherished. Thanks also to my upbringing (and to Madonna’s music), I understood that my value is decided by me, not everybody else and nevertheless by men (I don’t hate you, fellas, calm down) and that my life belongs to me and me only, I’m the only one who calls the shots end of story.  So, L.A.M.E. was born after a date gone wrong. The kind of date that starts well and ends terribly wrong...you know the feeling. That ended wrong because sometimes, when people can’t get what they want, they can be incredibly mean and they aim to target your self-esteem attempting to decrease your value. I didn’t let him. I wrote a song about the whole story. It’s an empowering song, for all women who have ever felt ‘not enough in their relationships, psychologically manipulated by ‘supposedly’ their better half. Sometimes,  people take advantage of our vulnerability to enforce their beliefs, it never ends well.  The message that I would give is that you only know your value, don’t let anyone get to you, you are much more than that!!  You can go out without makeup, without expensive clothes or cars, villas, a tan or a size 6  and a DD cup, because when you smile, all of a sudden the world stops. That is your strength as a woman and your beauty. You decide for your life, your happiness and yourself.  Being very open-minded, I learned to know people at their true value and not the label been given to them and also, I can’t stand injustice of any kind. I want to channel this empowering message also to the LGBTQ+ Community.   The reason behind that is that I have always been surrounded by friends from the  Community and some of them are among my best friends ever so, indirectly, I lived their struggle through them on how people are perceived in society.   Is embarrassing how, still in 2021, we cannot still be understanding enough to leave people the freedom to live a happy life while feeling comfortable and loved in their own skin.  Then the idea for the video of L.A.M.E. was born. I’ve been lucky enough to cast two incredible actors from the Community that are very successful artists, then the idea to interchange roles and to show that there is not fear in beauty and that doesn’t matter what  ‘form’ you get, your true beauty always shines. Another risky project, that bore the fruits I  was hoping for and here we are.   The video has been watched more than 6k times within 4 months time (thanks to this platform as well as Youtube and Vevo) and liked/voted more than 3k times so, really glad with the results.  From the live side, during the lockdown, I had the opportunity to collaborate with Hot Vox in support of War Child UK and I was very honoured to be part of this crowdfunding campaign, as it helped to raise money for children and their families hit by war all over the  World.  I believe there will be more of these charity events for Naëve once it will be safe again to  play live.  The collaboration with Hot Vox continued with an online ‘Listening party’ that will be  available to watch from the 21st of April from this link https://hotvox.co.uk/event/naeve-listening-party/ Plus a funny interview I did for them so, I believe is something you really want to watch. You know, when life gives you lemons.....  I started to learn to play other instruments during the lockdown as well and I am quite a  confident player now.  Also, I will be shortly in the studio for my 3rd official release, so, I will be in ‘planning mode’  for a while plus, a brand new music video and after, the tour.   The very first tour for Naëve since the project was born so, pretty excited and feeling  blessed for what is coming. Naëve will also be performing in the JAM festival which is a collaboration between Jeeni, AmplifyX and MultiView Media and will be held at 12 noon Los Angeles time, 8pm London time on Saturday, April 10th 2021. To find out more about the JAM Festival check out our events on Facebook. https://fb.me/e/1etPauFMV

10
Jun

Mel's bedtime story

Once upon a time, I created a platform called jeeni.com which is where independent artists perform their music in front of new fans, and get rewarded for their efforts. On a Saturday night we ran a live global music festival featuring 18 acts from both sides of the Atlantic. The oldest performer was over 70, the youngest was under 10. They were brilliant, each in their own way. We broadcast over social media and websites. There were no adverts, there were no fakes, there was no hype. It didn't cost us a penny to run. Everyone had a ball. We are part of a revolutionary process that is killing a corrupt and rotting music industry which has held both audience and performer to ransom since the 1890s. So if you will indulge me, I'd like to tell you how, and why ... I'm an old hoarder, I hoard old music recordings, and when I say old I mean really old. Upstairs, in what was once a studio but has turned into an Irish Setter leisure lounge, there are several hundred wax cylinders from the 1890s. Each cylinder is a unique recording from an age before duplication was possible. If Miss Florrie Forde wanted to sell a hundred copies of Hold Your Hand Out You Naughty Boy to her adoring public, then she had to keep lubricated and trill the bloody thing into a brass horn a hundred times and record it onto wax in real time. But to me the beauty of these cylinders is not that each one is a unique recording, but that each one is mercifully short, rotating at 120 revolutions a minute and lasting a meagre two minutes, because that's all a wax cylinder can hold. And so the two minute pop single was born. At the start of the twentieth century discs replaced cylinders, but not a lot changed. I have another room full of shellac discs that spin at 78 revolutions a minute. When it came to pop singles from artists bringing joy to the world throughout the first half of the twentieth century, they had just under three minutes to do it in. And if they were any good, just under three minutes was plenty. I feel personally to blame for what happened next, because in the hour of my birth in 1948, the microgroove vinyl disc hit the market, spinning at what my Irish chums call dirty tree and a turd revolutions per minute. I have an entire wall of vinyl albums, with their glorious covers and sleeve notes. And yes, they are arranged in alphabetical order by artist and date-order of release. Their storage capacity is approximately twenty-five minutes a side, which is usually twenty-two minutes too long. And on the opposite wall is where all my CDs sulk, each one capable of storing seventy-four minutes of audio, and not one of them played since the turn of this century. Why? Because a hacker called SoloH went and ripped the source code of something called the Fraunhofer MP3 encoder and spread it all over the internet for free. Thanks to SoloH, I can not only digitise my entire collection of recorded music without any restrictions on playing time, I can access the entire library of everything that has ever been recorded, for ever. My phone weighs exactly the same as my 78rpm copy of Little Richard's single Tutti Frutti, which runs for two minutes 28 seconds of total perfection. My phone holds 21,417 tracks in MP3 format, some of them complete symphonies, which are pretty good, some of them prog-rock drum solos, as used by Viet Cong torturers to break the spirit of the enemy. My desktop hard drive and cloud-accounts contain too many tracks to keep track of. I declare that my motivation for amassing this ludicrous collection of music was that one day it would bring me comfort in my old age, when my body and brain become enfeebled and I feel the need to keep hold of past pleasures while dying. As it turns out, I started playing my collection early, during lockdown, and wished I was dead by the end of day three. The singles were great, but the albums were mostly insufferable. Which is when I realised that the music album is stone dead, and the nightmare of a lifetime of audio padding is finally over. Then the real truth hit me. The recorded music industry is dead too. Thanks to COVID19 there has been an explosion of new creativity. Everyone is now a record producer, anyone can run a broadcast music channel, and that's exactly what everyone and anyone seems to be doing, including me. The spongers and leeches and shysters have been exposed as completely unnecessary, as have most of the agents, publicists and managers. They are no longer able to milk performers in our new world of social distancing, because they have lost their power. It's the remote audience that now has the power, and this audience wants instant gratification, not a load of overhyped, overwrought, overlong, flimflam. Jeeni.com is my final project in a very long career. I'm giving my artists three minutes per track to nail it, because that's what my old hoard tells me is right. And I hope you agree that in order to shine, three minutes is all that anyone should ever need.