Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

Huawei to Hell

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Huawei to Hell

Today, Jeeni returns to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “We’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases to hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE.

Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s Mel’s latest!

Trade wars are dangerous. When tariffs are imposed, and when sanctions get slapped on, and when one nation ceases to trade with another nation, then a trade war has a funny habit of turning into a real war. And here we all are, slap bang in the middle of a lulu of a trade war between the world’s two most powerful states. This is a trade war that’s not based on essentials like oil, or wheat, or toilet paper, but a trade war based on the pixies and fairy-dust of software algorithms. One day a peace treaty is waved, next day missiles are launched. Here is what happened in the future.

The proxy war between the Donald Trump and Boris Johnson axis against Xi Jinping didn’t affect me much, seeing as I had never owned a Huawei handset. I admit that I did find some comfort in the fact that cellphone zombies became totally bereft at the prospect of not being able to view TikTok on their little Chinese screens. All I could say to those morons was - suck it up guys, you had it coming!

In the first few hours of the Huawei denial of service attacks, the bewilderment and confusion of being unable to access social media apps soon turned to anger. This was triggered by the fact that the masses were unable to access social media apps to tell one another that they could not access social media apps. They soon realised they couldn’t remember any contact details of any of their virtual friends, or why they were virtual friends in the first place. Neither could they remember where they were, or where anything else was, or how to find their way around the real world at all. And without the Uber app they found themselves physically marooned within the perimeters of their ignorance. Deliveroo failed to respond the following day, so to avoid starvation, people who had a strong sense of smell managed to find their way to MacDonalds. But the computers were down and riots began when the Cola ran out, as slow-motion customers blamed Covid19 for the fact that China and the USA were having a software spat.

That night, the younger, more active elements of society went on the rampage and looted Tescos for pot noodles, which was a total waste of effort because the electric kettles no longer worked, thanks to smart-meter reliance on dodgy apps. Tuesday evening, after martial law and compulsory prayers, the county lines failed to supply recreational drugs to their app-driven client base, and hospitals were targeted to fill the gap in the market. Amusing video clips of the descent into chaos were not shared, not because of any sense of social responsibility but because Instagram was kaput. This added to the howling rage of the mob more than somewhat. Then, not long after the dogs began to disappear, the hunting of the weak began, and there was the smell of woodsmoke and bacon in the air. On a more positive note, a lot of overweight people slimmed down fast and learned new skills like shadow puppetry and crossbow production.

And so it was that all those predictions how civilisation would end as the result of electro-magnetic-pulse attacks turned out to be wrong. There was no need to launch missiles, zap communications or fry every electronic circuit in the land. All it took was an old man with an orange face to start a pissing contest. The irony that the old man’s preferred means of communication was Twitter is not lost on me, but then I don’t need Google Maps to tell me that we’re all up shit creek without a paddle.

And that, dear reader, is how come we all ended up on the Huawei to Hell.

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Visa-Free EU Travel Petition for Performers and Bands

12
Mar

Visa-Free EU Travel Petition for Performers and Bands

Finally, a deal has been agreed with the EU and on 1 January 2021, the UK is going it alone. However, one vital element of the economy seems to have been left out of the agreed terms - Musicians. A petition for visa-free travel or 'Musicians Passport' for this huge part of the the population is gaining enthusiastic momentum via social media and at the point of writing, is well about 155,000 signatures, growing by approximately 1,000 every 1/4 of an hour. Several industries have been granted visa-free access to the 27 EU states in the final agreement. Despite the government being lobbied by a number of industry heavyweights and artists, their concerns the new rules could jeopardise the £5.8billion music industry, when live gigs and shows are back on the social spectrum, have not seen visa-free travel for musicians addressed. Touring Europe, bands and artists may need secure visas for each country they plan to perform in, making it far more costly and harder to afford for many artists and crew members. The Visa-Free petition’s creator Tim Brennan added: “As a freelancer, I and many like me, travel through the EU countless times a year on different tours and events, this will become impossible due to cost and time if we do not have visa free travel.” The petition reads: “We would like the UK Govt to negotiate a free cultural work permit that gives us visa-free travel throughout the 27 EU states for music touring professionals, bands, musicians, artists, TV and sports celebrities that tour the EU to perform shows and events & Carnet exception [allowing the temporary import or export of goods without having to pay duty or VAT] for touring equipment,” You can sign the petition here: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/563294 At the time of the lobbying, a government spokesperson told NME: “We are working closely with the arts and culture sector to prepare for the end of the transition period and recognise the importance of touring for UK musicians. We are seeking a reciprocal agreement with the EU to allow UK citizens to undertake some business activities in the bloc without a work permit, on a short-term basis.” Last week (December 25), UK Music's chief exec. Jamie Njoku-Goodwin welcomed the government's EU deal, but said it still left “many questions” unanswered for the music industry. Jamie Njoku-Goodwin - Chief Executive of Music UK Njoku-Goodwin is one of the Government’s most senior advisers with unrivalled political connections across Downing Street, Whitehall and Westminster. He was a special adviser to Health Secretary Matt Hancock and also worked as a special adviser at the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport. Once the petition reaches 100,000 signatures, it may be considered for debate in Parliament. Industry eyes will be looking straight at Njoku-Goodwin to be the man to have the debate converted in to action. We will posts any updates as we get them.

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Award-Winning Photographer Shoots Via 'Virtual World'

12
Mar

Award-Winning Photographer Shoots Via 'Virtual World'

As the official photographer in the Jeeni team, Sharron Goodyear is an Award-Winning International Photographer and Film Maker, having won Fashion & Boudoir Photographer of the Year through the Master Photographer Association, with 14 years of industry experience. She has now taken her award-winning talents to shoots via the 'Virtual World' and Jeeni CEO, Shena Mitchell, put her to the test. Sharron Goodyear - Award-winning photographer Sharron specialises in working with entrepreneurs, musicians, performers and artists from around the world. Her photo-shoots are VIRTUAL, enabling her to work with a global client base, directing her subjects in their homes or on location, from her UK studio via the internet. Sharron took the below photographs of Shena, more than 50 miles from her subject! However, having an eye for positioning the camera, perfect attention to detail and the ability to put Shena or any subject at their ease. Eliminating any self-consciousness or embarrassment, meant the whole event was simple and painless. The results speak for themselves. Shena Mitchell - CEO & Founding Partner of Jeeni Shena described her virtual shoot experience, "As Founding Director of Jeeni, I wanted to make sure our subscribers are in great hands, so I booked a VIRTUAL shoot in the comfort of my own home. The intention was to increase my social media presence. I had so much fun and Sharron created over 30 shots to choose from. I picked my favourites and changed my profile picture on Facebook. Within a few hours I had gained 210+ likes, 134 comments and 4 shares. Instant success!" Getting ahead of your competition, is tough on so many levels and from a marketing perspective, there comes a point when 'selfies' just aren't up to the task. Whether you need portraits for profiles, album covers or merchandise, investing in proper photography is always money well spent. It also allows you to get creative and experiment with a different 'look' or a new 'style' to help with your branding. Whatever your skills and talents, Jeeni subscribers will be able to realise the benefits of Sharron's award-winning expertise via her website, plus she is offering a special rate of £95 to Jeeni subscribers for the month of March. So, book your slot, check your internet connection and double-check your teeth for spinach! www.jeeni.com www.sharrongoodyear.com

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Never too late for Jeeni!

06
Jun

Never too late for Jeeni!

by Mel Croucher I was a young man living in Stockholm. It was the summer of 1969 and I was flat broke. I had the clothes I stood up in, a diploma in architecture and a kazoo. I was too shy to be a busker, so I invented pay-on-demand live-streamed entertainment. I became a human jukebox. I got me an abandoned cardboard box just about big enough to hide inside, and I cut a horizontal slot near the top for my media input/output. Below the slot I punched eight holes to act as the graphic user interface. The reason there were eight holes was because I only knew eight songs, and I scrawled the song title alongside each hole. The idea was for passers-by to provide me with digital input commands by sticking their finger through the hole of their choice, and I would give them a short rendition of the selected song on my kazoo. As a token of their appreciation they would reward me with loose change dropped through a small vertical slot labelled Thank You in English and Swedish. It was very hot squatting inside that box. So here we are, more than half a century later, and the music industry should be in crisis. As a result of the pandemic, artists and musicians have seen their venues close down, festivals cancelled, tours abandoned, and wary audiences slink off to go online. The new normal for live performers should be that they are well and truly buggered. But I am delighted to say the very opposite is true. The new normal has revealed that the traditional models for the entertainment industry were a hoax. All those record labels, agents, managers, ticketers and merchandisers were a bunch of parasites. Half a century later, the new generation doesn't even need a kazoo and cardboard box to squat in for a live performance. They've got smartphones. And they don't need to rely on passers-by to busk at. They've got a global audience, thanks to utilities like Soundcloud, Tidal and Jeeni. Even on Facebook we have the facility for interminable live broadcasts of self-indulgent shite from the box-room. And I'm not just talking about singers and musicians. The same applies to actors, dancers, poets, voiceovers and kazoo virtuosos. There are more independent artists than ever before who have been able to break into the mainstream without any support from a lousy label, a poncy publisher, a suffocating sponsor, mingy manager or arrogant agent. This is an entertainment revolution, where digital distribution, streaming platforms, social media and online marketing tools have changed the way artists perform their work and reach out to fans. By cutting out all the spongers, an independent artist can suddenly enjoy a number of important advantages. To me, the most important is that they now have 100% complete control over the direction of their music, spoken word and creative work. They also have full control over distribution, marketing, artwork, merchandising, deadlines, gigs, ticketing, prices, schedules - in fact all of those affirmative decisions about their creative vision. But it's not just about control. The new normal means that independent artists can keep 100% of all the profits generated from sales, streams, licencing deals, merchandise, and small change dropped through cardboard slots. The reason they can do this is because without the parasites they own all their own stuff. Independent artists own the master rights to their creative work, which means they also have the freedom to negotiate licensing, streaming and publishing deals, and they don’t have to worry about shyster contracts, expensive lawyers, and signing over their rights. Of course the parasites are not going to give up without a fight. Book agents, publishers, distributors and publicists are still clinging on, years after it became obvious that nobody really needs them now that anyone can self-publish in the digital age. In the music and entertainment industry the leeches will still argue that they are vital, even though they already know they are dead. They will keep trying to treat artists like idiots and tell them they don't have the money for mastering, or production or touring or merchandise. Which is a lie, because if artists don't have to pay the leeches then they will save the money. Artists will also be told that they have a limited network of fans and contacts, whereas organisations and labels have access to big fat fanbases and red hot connections with professionals, promoters, booking agents and media. This is an even bigger lie, demonstrated by the fact that even a no-hoper musician like me has a Facebook network big enough to fill The Royal Albert Hall, including the bogs, with or without social distancing. The biggest problem I can foresee in this brave new world of independent entertainment is lack of discipline. Put simply, if creatives were once prepared to rely on a bunch of parasites and leeches, they must now learn to rely on themselves, and that involves actually getting down to some hard work and doing stuff, irrespective of whether or not they have oodles of native talent. Desperation and hunger is an excellent motivator, so I invite the independent artists and performers of the new normal to get hold of their own electronic cardboard box and give it a go. And above all, don't forget to have fun while you're about it. Mel Croucher is the founder of the UK videogames industry, and writer of the most widely-read, longest-running column in computer journalism. He is the founder director of Jeeni and owns a black T-shirt. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

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