Mel's bedtime story

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

Mel's bedtime story

Once upon a time, I created a platform called jeeni.com which is where independent artists perform their music in front of new fans, and get rewarded for their efforts. On a Saturday night we ran a live global music festival featuring 18 acts from both sides of the Atlantic. The oldest performer was over 70, the youngest was under 10. They were brilliant, each in their own way. We broadcast over social media and websites. There were no adverts, there were no fakes, there was no hype. It didn't cost us a penny to run. Everyone had a ball. We are part of a revolutionary process that is killing a corrupt and rotting music industry which has held both audience and performer to ransom since the 1890s. So if you will indulge me, I'd like to tell you how, and why ...

I'm an old hoarder, I hoard old music recordings, and when I say old I mean really old. Upstairs, in what was once a studio but has turned into an Irish Setter leisure lounge, there are several hundred wax cylinders from the 1890s. Each cylinder is a unique recording from an age before duplication was possible. If Miss Florrie Forde wanted to sell a hundred copies of Hold Your Hand Out You Naughty Boy to her adoring public, then she had to keep lubricated and trill the bloody thing into a brass horn a hundred times and record it onto wax in real time. But to me the beauty of these cylinders is not that each one is a unique recording, but that each one is mercifully short, rotating at 120 revolutions a minute and lasting a meagre two minutes, because that's all a wax cylinder can hold. And so the two minute pop single was born. At the start of the twentieth century discs replaced cylinders, but not a lot changed. I have another room full of shellac discs that spin at 78 revolutions a minute. When it came to pop singles from artists bringing joy to the world throughout the first half of the twentieth century, they had just under three minutes to do it in. And if they were any good, just under three minutes was plenty.

I feel personally to blame for what happened next, because in the hour of my birth in 1948, the microgroove vinyl disc hit the market, spinning at what my Irish chums call dirty tree and a turd revolutions per minute. I have an entire wall of vinyl albums, with their glorious covers and sleeve notes. And yes, they are arranged in alphabetical order by artist and date-order of release. Their storage capacity is approximately twenty-five minutes a side, which is usually twenty-two minutes too long. And on the opposite wall is where all my CDs sulk, each one capable of storing seventy-four minutes of audio, and not one of them played since the turn of this century. Why? Because a hacker called SoloH went and ripped the source code of something called the Fraunhofer MP3 encoder and spread it all over the internet for free. Thanks to SoloH, I can not only digitise my entire collection of recorded music without any restrictions on playing time, I can access the entire library of everything that has ever been recorded, for ever.

My phone weighs exactly the same as my 78rpm copy of Little Richard's single Tutti Frutti, which runs for two minutes 28 seconds of total perfection. My phone holds 21,417 tracks in MP3 format, some of them complete symphonies, which are pretty good, some of them prog-rock drum solos, as used by Viet Cong torturers to break the spirit of the enemy. My desktop hard drive and cloud-accounts contain too many tracks to keep track of. I declare that my motivation for amassing this ludicrous collection of music was that one day it would bring me comfort in my old age, when my body and brain become enfeebled and I feel the need to keep hold of past pleasures while dying. As it turns out, I started playing my collection early, during lockdown, and wished I was dead by the end of day three. The singles were great, but the albums were mostly insufferable. Which is when I realised that the music album is stone dead, and the nightmare of a lifetime of audio padding is finally over. Then the real truth hit me. The recorded music industry is dead too. Thanks to COVID19 there has been an explosion of new creativity. Everyone is now a record producer, anyone can run a broadcast music channel, and that's exactly what everyone and anyone seems to be doing, including me. The spongers and leeches and shysters have been exposed as completely unnecessary, as have most of the agents, publicists and managers. They are no longer able to milk performers in our new world of social distancing, because they have lost their power. It's the remote audience that now has the power, and this audience wants instant gratification, not a load of overhyped, overwrought, overlong, flimflam.

Jeeni.com is my final project in a very long career. I'm giving my artists three minutes per track to nail it, because that's what my old hoard tells me is right. And I hope you agree that in order to shine, three minutes is all that anyone should ever need.

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06
Jun

I have a confession to make.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “Day 5 and we have reached 98% of our 100K target". If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his website www.melcroucher.net. Here's one of Mel's latest! I have a confession to make. I have been pimping a young model, and I confess my shame. My pimping is the result of a moment of weakness. I’ve had models before, and I understand their capricious nature. One moment they are willing to perform across my desk, and the next they freeze and refuse to let me do what I want to do. But it has not been any fantasy performance that’s got me hooked, it has been the fantasy looks. I was bored. I wanted colour. I wanted make-up. I wanted dazzle and glitter. I wanted tribal tattoos, hot bubbles, glowing tubes and a whirling fan-dance. Forgive me, but I’ve pimped my computer.In 1909, Henry Ford declared, “I will build a motor car for the great multitude. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the best designs that modern engineering can devise. And no man making a good salary will be unable to own one.” He then added his famous line, “The customer can have his car painted any colour he wants as long as it’s black.” And so they were. Painted black. When I was young, cars were still mostly black, apart from the odd spot of lipstick around the exhaust pipes of those used in suicide pacts. As for computer manufacturers, they all followed Henry Ford’s marketing strategy for half a century. Except their colour of choice was not black, but the sort of beige favoured by dead maggots. The exception was the ZX Spectrum which was black, but the keyboard really was made of dead maggots. Apart from that aberration, beige was the colour. In fact the beige box came to be used as a term of derision for desktops, implying dated, boring specifications. For example, IBM's early desktop computers were not only very beige indeed, but also very box-shaped indeed, and most PC clone manufacturers followed suit. As IBM and its imitators came to dominate the industry, beige boxes became the unquestioned norm for boring desktop computer design. Even early Apple Macs were beige boxes, until Apple took the revolutionary step in 1987 of switching to the even more boring shade of Chicken Poo By Moonlight. Not long after, equally boring videogame consoles took over the world, until there were so many revolting grey Nintendos and Segas and Playstations and Gameboys, that they had to be transported across deep space to be turned into landfill on distant moons. Meanwhile all Earthbound computers were still fifty shades of grey, until one day Apple changed everything.I remember the shock when their 1988 iMacs were launched. Suddenly we had a choice of computers that looked like see-through giant jellybabies, in a range of five neon colours called gangrene, monkeybum, impetigo, barbie and mince. And that was the end of the adult era in electronics, as a collective madness took over computer marketing. Now users are persuaded to buy machines not for what they do in the adult world, but for their infantile appearance. Users who are normally sane actually enjoy miniature coloured LEDs, winking and blinking through transparent windows like a pixie brothel. Tubes of bubbling, gaudy liquids snake their way through the computer’s guts like tapeworms on acid. Miniature spotlights illuminate cooling fans and heat-sinks from the inside out. These days a serious gamer will spend serious money on a serious PC, then corrupt the whole thing by spraying it with Plasti-Dip peelable, durable, non-slip, rubberised, multi-coloured spew. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but a bloke called Xephos made me do it. Let me explain further. I have been influenced by the newly popular phenomenon of celebrity PCs, where people buy a particular machine simply because their heroes favour it, endorse it or actually commission it in their name. For example one of the world’s most popular videogaming channels on YouTube is called The Yogscast. Last time I counted, it had more than seven and a half million subscribers and over six billion views, and that’s a whole lot of purchasing power. Their founder, this bloke called Xephos, got a business partner of Jeeni to create “the ultimate Yogscast PC range to live stream and play games all day.” And as the factory os not far from me, I went over to mock. But I stayed to pray, and found myself mesmerised by the bloody thing. Bloody as in bejewelled with animated red illuminations inside the see-through casing. Which is how I joined this PC pimping revolution.And even non-gamers are at it. Most regular folk, who normally wear sensible shoes and don’t indulge in bear-baiting or country music, they too have joined the pimping revolution by expressing their personal proclivities via their mobile phones. In the beginning, all mobiles were universally Henry Ford black. Now even old age pensioners wave customised casings around, all lipstick colours, sparkles and cutesy-poo creature decorations. At least, that’s what mine’s like. But I still suffer from a residual shame over my pimping habit, and like all instant gratification I feel guilty because of it. In fact while looking for a replacement machine recently, I have been quite attracted by one of those shapely models with a bit of sobriety, experience and bulk. And yes, before you ask, it’s black. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

05
Jun

How to grow your Facebook group.

Times are moving fast when it comes to social media, in particular the use of community groups to target your audiences with event, streaming and watch-parties going live every second of the day all around the globe. All of a sudden it feels like everyone except me is an expert at creating successful Facebook groups, so I decided I would take some time to try and unpick why are Facebook groups so successful. Had the groups been going for years and grown their members organically? Did they have large budgets and were they spending loads of money on Ads? Were they all marketing experts? Did they engage large teams of enthusiastic influencers? To my surprise I found that in most instances these assumptions were just not the case. Rock The Lock Down, founded by Lucy Pardoe & Ollie Hughes, is a great example, with over 887,000 members in less than 6 weeks. I finally had to admit I was missing the critical ingredients for a successful campaign. I only watched a selection of YouTube Videos, so not exhaustive, and I will watch some more tomorrow, but in the meantime to save you time, these were my key take-aways. 1. Make sure you take extra time to set up the group correctly, with an accurate, yet brief description. Check to make sure you have completed all sections, not just the about, which is the mistake I made. 2. Get as many people as possible to like your landing page, so that you can invite all of those people to your community group. Really simple and easy to use, but Facebook only allow you invite 50-100 in one day to stop you spamming. Which is what I also did!! 3. Make the group public, as you want as many members as possible to grow and contribute to organic growth. 4. Create as many discussions and engage with all your members as often as you can, be as helpful as possible, share and like and answer their questions. Be a guru, be supportive, open, honest and kind. 5. Use a bot to run competitions, contests, have freebies and giveaways , looping the bot back to join the group. 6. Join other relevant groups, share those groups and contribute as much knowledge and wisdom as you can helping members in those groups. It’s all about genuine and engaging conversation. Write guest posts and contribute wherever you can. Share and reuse your work on different sites, saving time and money. Keep the content helpful and meaningful. Cross-promote as often as you can and contact group's admin to share your group. 7. Test, test and trial Facebook ads that are targeted and specific, making sure you have set up demographics and location settings. 8. Create an exciting and interesting email campaign to support engagement from existing and new customer databases. 9. Interlink and entwine your groups posts and comments on You Tube and use back-links to improve your SEO. 10. Remember groups are for genuine enthusiasts who love music, or food, travel etc, and members do not want to see any information that is not relevant to what they love. At the end of the day this is all about them after all! In the meantime, please feel free to invite friends to our Independent Musicians and Performers Group and we will soon be at 2,000 members.

17
Jan

Invest in JEENI

Grab your share of JEENI - the ethical streaming entertainment platform. Our new funding round is about to go live on Crowdcube. We've been approved by market-leaders Crowdcube and Seed Legals for our funding vision and due diligence, and our company value has nowgrown from £2.4million to £5million. Thanks to advance pledges from our wonderful Jeeni investors and followers, we've already reached £80,000 of our £150,000 target in less than 3 days. Now we want to reach 70% of our target before we go live, which means we’re likely to overfund with Crowdcube in record-breaking time, just like we have done in our previous rounds. The value of Jeeni lies in our IP and user databases, and here’s where these stand at the start of the 2023.• 4million total audience access across all media.• 200,000 Jeeni artist online followers.• 57,000 Jeeni partner online followers.• 20,000 Jeeni business online followers.• 5,000 registered independent musicians and performers.• 4,000 registered social media champions.• 2,500 artist showcases.• 500 award nominees.We have money in the bank, no loans, no debt, no creditors, no factor-invoicing, and a zero burn-rate. We will use your investment to expand our databases and boost our value for exit by acquisition. We invite you to join in now, before we go live on Crowdcube, so simply email shena@jeeni.com with the amount you’d like to pledge, and she’ll add you to our priority list. We look forward to hearing from you and welcoming you on board!

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