Mel's bedtime story

Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

Mel's bedtime story

Once upon a time, I created a platform called jeeni.com which is where independent artists perform their music in front of new fans, and get rewarded for their efforts. On a Saturday night we ran a live global music festival featuring 18 acts from both sides of the Atlantic. The oldest performer was over 70, the youngest was under 10. They were brilliant, each in their own way. We broadcast over social media and websites. There were no adverts, there were no fakes, there was no hype. It didn't cost us a penny to run. Everyone had a ball. We are part of a revolutionary process that is killing a corrupt and rotting music industry which has held both audience and performer to ransom since the 1890s. So if you will indulge me, I'd like to tell you how, and why ...

I'm an old hoarder, I hoard old music recordings, and when I say old I mean really old. Upstairs, in what was once a studio but has turned into an Irish Setter leisure lounge, there are several hundred wax cylinders from the 1890s. Each cylinder is a unique recording from an age before duplication was possible. If Miss Florrie Forde wanted to sell a hundred copies of Hold Your Hand Out You Naughty Boy to her adoring public, then she had to keep lubricated and trill the bloody thing into a brass horn a hundred times and record it onto wax in real time. But to me the beauty of these cylinders is not that each one is a unique recording, but that each one is mercifully short, rotating at 120 revolutions a minute and lasting a meagre two minutes, because that's all a wax cylinder can hold. And so the two minute pop single was born. At the start of the twentieth century discs replaced cylinders, but not a lot changed. I have another room full of shellac discs that spin at 78 revolutions a minute. When it came to pop singles from artists bringing joy to the world throughout the first half of the twentieth century, they had just under three minutes to do it in. And if they were any good, just under three minutes was plenty.

I feel personally to blame for what happened next, because in the hour of my birth in 1948, the microgroove vinyl disc hit the market, spinning at what my Irish chums call dirty tree and a turd revolutions per minute. I have an entire wall of vinyl albums, with their glorious covers and sleeve notes. And yes, they are arranged in alphabetical order by artist and date-order of release. Their storage capacity is approximately twenty-five minutes a side, which is usually twenty-two minutes too long. And on the opposite wall is where all my CDs sulk, each one capable of storing seventy-four minutes of audio, and not one of them played since the turn of this century. Why? Because a hacker called SoloH went and ripped the source code of something called the Fraunhofer MP3 encoder and spread it all over the internet for free. Thanks to SoloH, I can not only digitise my entire collection of recorded music without any restrictions on playing time, I can access the entire library of everything that has ever been recorded, for ever.

My phone weighs exactly the same as my 78rpm copy of Little Richard's single Tutti Frutti, which runs for two minutes 28 seconds of total perfection. My phone holds 21,417 tracks in MP3 format, some of them complete symphonies, which are pretty good, some of them prog-rock drum solos, as used by Viet Cong torturers to break the spirit of the enemy. My desktop hard drive and cloud-accounts contain too many tracks to keep track of. I declare that my motivation for amassing this ludicrous collection of music was that one day it would bring me comfort in my old age, when my body and brain become enfeebled and I feel the need to keep hold of past pleasures while dying. As it turns out, I started playing my collection early, during lockdown, and wished I was dead by the end of day three. The singles were great, but the albums were mostly insufferable. Which is when I realised that the music album is stone dead, and the nightmare of a lifetime of audio padding is finally over. Then the real truth hit me. The recorded music industry is dead too. Thanks to COVID19 there has been an explosion of new creativity. Everyone is now a record producer, anyone can run a broadcast music channel, and that's exactly what everyone and anyone seems to be doing, including me. The spongers and leeches and shysters have been exposed as completely unnecessary, as have most of the agents, publicists and managers. They are no longer able to milk performers in our new world of social distancing, because they have lost their power. It's the remote audience that now has the power, and this audience wants instant gratification, not a load of overhyped, overwrought, overlong, flimflam.

Jeeni.com is my final project in a very long career. I'm giving my artists three minutes per track to nail it, because that's what my old hoard tells me is right. And I hope you agree that in order to shine, three minutes is all that anyone should ever need.

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03
Sep

The Creator of Jeeni.

Jeeni has returned to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “I admit we're ahead of our original schedule, but there's still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases. Then we can hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” It is day 5 today and we have raised 98% of our target £100K. If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he's agreed to share his work with all our members. He's a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here's one of Mel's latest! There was once a little Quaker boy called Charlton, who got sent off to a nice school in Oxfordshire. Charlton liked videogames very much indeed, and when he turned thirteen he became a fan of one particular game which was called Deus Ex Machina. It was hopelessly life-affirming and it allowed him to influence the plotline and outcome, just like a load of similar games. But it was also the first truly interactive movie, running in real time, with voice actors and a full music soundtrack. It came with a large monochrome poster of the face of a beautiful, innocent, yet alluring lady robot, which the boy hung on his wall. And that thought pleases me, because I was the creator of the game, and my intention was to blow the minds of children just like Charlton. Ten years later, he was no longer a Quaker schoolboy but a stroppy atheist, and he was making a living writing very naughty cartoon strips and highly scurrilous columns for a computer magazine called PC Zone. I hope his career choice was influenced by the naughty cartoon strips and scurrilous columns I was writing for the rival magazines he devoured, but I suspect he already considered me to be an old fart. Back then I believed it was my mission to take the piss out of anyone and everyone in the computer industry, and so did young Charlton. He was calling himself Charlie by then. Charlie Brooker. Today, Charlie Brooker is probably best known as the creator of the Netflix phenomenon Black Mirror. In a brilliant episode, he didn’t just nick my idea of an interactive movie where players influence the plotline and outcome, he went and did it for real. He set his episode in 1984, which was the year of my game’s release, and he hung my old poster on the wall for a touch of authenticity. And yes, he did ask permission. And yes, I was more than happy to give it to him. And no, he didn’t pay me. Brooker’s use of the branching narrative was absolutely seamless, and when the viewer-player-actor makes a choice via a mouse or remote control there is absolutely no buffering involved. And just like in my old game, if the viewer-player-actor refuses to make a choice, then the movie-game-stage makes it for them. In the future, I am sure this technique will become an active tool of the porn and ultra-violence industries, but consumers of mainstream entertainment have become more and more bone idle over the years. In fact vast numbers can’t even be bothered to select the crap entertainment they watch or play, but allow algorithms to select for them. So no, this is not the future of movies, it’s the past. Charlie Brooker didn’t predict this, and neither did I. It was predicted by Ray Bradbury in his 1953 novel Fahrenheit 451, where books have been banned because they encourage people to think, and the 1966 film of that story was one of my greatest influences. In the movie, the writer/director François Truffaut introduces us to a world in which the masses consume pap via personal screens, and believe they have choice in determining the outcome of all sorts of vacuous plotlines. They don’t, of course, and the purpose of such so-called entertainments is to pretend the people have a say in the way things are run, what choices they have, and what garbage they believe in. And here we are, more than half a century later, living in just such a society. And we don’t even need movies to condition the masses, we can use videogames. People who live-stream their gameplay are called streamers. People who watch them playing are called lost souls. Today more people watch streamers play sports simulations than watch live sport. This passive practice is ridiculously popular on streaming sites like Twitch, YouTube and a whole host of others. Even back in 2014, Twitch streams for computer games attracted more traffic than America’s leading cable and satellite network HBO, with professional streamers mashing up high-level play and banal commentary. Now they can extort big money from sponsors, subscriptions, and donations. Last year, passive viewers watched active players for more than 450 billion minutes of streamed content on Twitch alone, as the streamers jiggled and babbled while playing with themselves at FIFA 19, Monster Hunter World and all the rest. One such streamer is a charming young man called Richard Tyler Blevins, who sports attractive neon-tinted hair and goes by the name of Ninja. He has minted around ten million dollars from subscribers who pay to watch him play a game called Fortnight. Let me just make that clear – they are not paying to play Fortnite themselves, they are paying to watch Mr Ninja play. Fortnite involves a hundred players at a time who fight and butcher one other to the death until only one is left alive, all in high-definition video. There are currently 200 million players of the game. The youngest players are aged eight, which should worry their parents, but probably doesn’t because mom and pop are too busy passively watching some other streamer. The average age of a Fortnite player is 13, which is the same age as the schoolboy Charlie Brooker was when my hopelessly life-affirming game helped turn him into a potty-mouthed cynic. At least I know I succeeded in something. Click HERE to visit or return to jeeni.com

12
Mar

Crunch Time for Festivals

January 2021 is going to be crunch time for festivals. In this still, uncertain time, the organisers of the UK's biggest events remain on a knife edge about festivals being able to go-ahead. Michael Eavis has pinned his hopes on mass vaccination of the country, so Glastonbury can still happen this year. He received his jab, just before new year. Whilst Emily Eavis has been countering claims their festival has already been cancelled and confirming tickets will be rolled over to 2022. Micheal Eavis at Glastonbury - Photo: Getty UK Music have shared a new report, Let the Music Play: Save Our Summer 2021, outlining their recommendations for how to restart the UK’s live music industry. As MPs on the Digital, Culture, Media and Sport Select Committee open their inquiry into ‘The future of UK music festivals’ today (January 5), UK Music – whose CEO Jamie Njoku-Goodwin is among those set to give evidence to the inquiry stating the document “outlines a clear strategy to protect and support the multi-billion pound live music industry so it is ready to restart when safe to do so later this year”. Read the report below: https://www.ukmusic.org/assets/general/Let_The_Music_Play_Save_Our_Summer_2021.pdf “The music industry has worked hard to make event spaces as safe as they can possibly be,” UK Music said in a statement accompanying the new report. “This includes launching testing pilots to be able to hold mass events safely, working with government to develop guidance for how to hold events safely, and looking at new ventilation and air purification systems that would dramatically reduce the risk of transmission. “But there is no certainty about when the industry will be allowed to hold mass events once again.” The report warns that the lack of coronavirus cancellation insurance is “the biggest barrier to major events happening in 2021”, and calls on the UK Government to implement an insurance scheme as it has done for the film and TV sector. Key action points in the report are, “an indicative date for a full capacity restart” for venues and festivals, a government-backed indemnity scheme and targeted financial support for the live music industry. UK Music are also calling for an extension to the VAT rate reduction on tickets, a rollover of the paid 2020 Local Authority licence fees for festivals to 2021 and an extension to business rates relief. Up to 50% of the festival workforce faces possible redundancy if the 2021 season is cancelled and a report by the Musicians' Union stated 71% of musicians were considering leaving the sector or were unsure if they would continue. According to Steve Heap, the general secretary of the Association of Festival Organisers (AFO), major music festivals would have to make a decision about their 2021 editions this month. Smaller festivals, however, could put off cancelling until April. Though the pandemic is still wreaking havoc across the UK the crunch time is definitely, now. The industry and the fans need to know!

02
Feb

I K 8OY - ‘Let You Know’, single review

Stirring together afroswing with tuneful rapping, the first official release from Nigerian/British rapper, I K 8OY is a shimmering and glossy UK hip-hop achievement. A new addition to Jeeni, I K 8OY began creating music back in Nigeria as a part of a band and moved to the UK to study. He began writing and recording music more centered around rap in 2018 however, like many artists, the pandemic caused a change in creative direction and I K began to take more inspiration from home and incorporated afrobeat ideas into his work. Jeeni is looking forward to propelling I K 8OY and increasing his outreach with our global platform. The smooth, silky nature of 'Let You Know' is reminiscent of J Hus’s debut album, ‘Common Sense’. This likeness is particularly due to a grand approach to production and the luxurious electronic keyboard which warbles the jazzy chords across the syncopated beats. A jazz-scaling saxophone is positioned in the distant right of the stereo space and does an incredible job in advancing the suaveness and confidence of the track. The tuning of percussive instruments, heard clearest in the intro, is archetypal of traditional Nigerian instrumentation such as the Dùndún or ‘Talking Drum’. A plucking palm-muted guitar then joins the tuned percussion and creates an ingenious polyrhythm that sits underneath the main beat. Although subtle, this attention given to the beat is such an effective device and really separates this track from other progressions in UK hip-hop genres. I K’s voice is gravely, authoritative and demands your attention, so it’s certainly not coincidental that I K 8OY has named Rick Ross as one of his main influences. His rushed and unique rap delivery is catching to the ear and contrasts with the easygoing instrumental accompaniment. Stay tuned, because if ‘Let You Know’ is anything to go by, I K 8OY is just getting warmed up. Album review Check out I K 8OY’s Jeeni Showcase here: https://jeeni.com/showcase/zhgeii1xjlpg/ How can Jeeni support artists like I K 8OY? JEENI is a multi-channel platform for original entertainment on demand. We’re a direct service between creatives and the global audience. • We give creatives, independent artists and performers a showcase for their talent and services. And they keep 100% of everything they make. • We empower our audience and reward them every step of the way. • We promise to treat our members ethically, fairly, honestly and with respect. • Access to artist liaison and a supportive marketing team.

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