Jeeni Blog

Helping the next generation of talent to build a global fanbase

Mel's bedtime story

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Mel's bedtime story

Once upon a time, I created a platform called jeeni.com which is where independent artists perform their music in front of new fans, and get rewarded for their efforts. On a Saturday night we ran a live global music festival featuring 18 acts from both sides of the Atlantic. The oldest performer was over 70, the youngest was under 10. They were brilliant, each in their own way. We broadcast over social media and websites. There were no adverts, there were no fakes, there was no hype. It didn't cost us a penny to run. Everyone had a ball. We are part of a revolutionary process that is killing a corrupt and rotting music industry which has held both audience and performer to ransom since the 1890s. So if you will indulge me, I'd like to tell you how, and why ...

I'm an old hoarder, I hoard old music recordings, and when I say old I mean really old. Upstairs, in what was once a studio but has turned into an Irish Setter leisure lounge, there are several hundred wax cylinders from the 1890s. Each cylinder is a unique recording from an age before duplication was possible. If Miss Florrie Forde wanted to sell a hundred copies of Hold Your Hand Out You Naughty Boy to her adoring public, then she had to keep lubricated and trill the bloody thing into a brass horn a hundred times and record it onto wax in real time. But to me the beauty of these cylinders is not that each one is a unique recording, but that each one is mercifully short, rotating at 120 revolutions a minute and lasting a meagre two minutes, because that's all a wax cylinder can hold. And so the two minute pop single was born. At the start of the twentieth century discs replaced cylinders, but not a lot changed. I have another room full of shellac discs that spin at 78 revolutions a minute. When it came to pop singles from artists bringing joy to the world throughout the first half of the twentieth century, they had just under three minutes to do it in. And if they were any good, just under three minutes was plenty.

I feel personally to blame for what happened next, because in the hour of my birth in 1948, the microgroove vinyl disc hit the market, spinning at what my Irish chums call dirty tree and a turd revolutions per minute. I have an entire wall of vinyl albums, with their glorious covers and sleeve notes. And yes, they are arranged in alphabetical order by artist and date-order of release. Their storage capacity is approximately twenty-five minutes a side, which is usually twenty-two minutes too long. And on the opposite wall is where all my CDs sulk, each one capable of storing seventy-four minutes of audio, and not one of them played since the turn of this century. Why? Because a hacker called SoloH went and ripped the source code of something called the Fraunhofer MP3 encoder and spread it all over the internet for free. Thanks to SoloH, I can not only digitise my entire collection of recorded music without any restrictions on playing time, I can access the entire library of everything that has ever been recorded, for ever.

My phone weighs exactly the same as my 78rpm copy of Little Richard's single Tutti Frutti, which runs for two minutes 28 seconds of total perfection. My phone holds 21,417 tracks in MP3 format, some of them complete symphonies, which are pretty good, some of them prog-rock drum solos, as used by Viet Cong torturers to break the spirit of the enemy. My desktop hard drive and cloud-accounts contain too many tracks to keep track of. I declare that my motivation for amassing this ludicrous collection of music was that one day it would bring me comfort in my old age, when my body and brain become enfeebled and I feel the need to keep hold of past pleasures while dying. As it turns out, I started playing my collection early, during lockdown, and wished I was dead by the end of day three. The singles were great, but the albums were mostly insufferable. Which is when I realised that the music album is stone dead, and the nightmare of a lifetime of audio padding is finally over. Then the real truth hit me. The recorded music industry is dead too. Thanks to COVID19 there has been an explosion of new creativity. Everyone is now a record producer, anyone can run a broadcast music channel, and that's exactly what everyone and anyone seems to be doing, including me. The spongers and leeches and shysters have been exposed as completely unnecessary, as have most of the agents, publicists and managers. They are no longer able to milk performers in our new world of social distancing, because they have lost their power. It's the remote audience that now has the power, and this audience wants instant gratification, not a load of overhyped, overwrought, overlong, flimflam.

Jeeni.com is my final project in a very long career. I'm giving my artists three minutes per track to nail it, because that's what my old hoard tells me is right. And I hope you agree that in order to shine, three minutes is all that anyone should ever need.

06
Jun

Huawei to Hell

Today, Jeeni returns to Crowdcube to raise more funds for helping new talent. Jeeni founding director Mel Croucher says, “We’re ahead of our original schedule, but there’s still so much more to do. We need to scale our online platform globally now and build our mass artist showcases to hit all our targets, and give our new artists the recognition they deserve.” If you want to see our pitch click HERE. Mel has been writing the best-loved column in top-selling tech magazines for over 30 years. Now he’s agreed to share his work with our members. He’s a video games pioneer and musician, and to to find out more about Mel check out his Wikipedia page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Croucher. Here’s Mel’s latest! Trade wars are dangerous. When tariffs are imposed, and when sanctions get slapped on, and when one nation ceases to trade with another nation, then a trade war has a funny habit of turning into a real war. And here we all are, slap bang in the middle of a lulu of a trade war between the world’s two most powerful states. This is a trade war that’s not based on essentials like oil, or wheat, or toilet paper, but a trade war based on the pixies and fairy-dust of software algorithms. One day a peace treaty is waved, next day missiles are launched. Here is what happened in the future. The proxy war between the Donald Trump and Boris Johnson axis against Xi Jinping didn’t affect me much, seeing as I had never owned a Huawei handset. I admit that I did find some comfort in the fact that cellphone zombies became totally bereft at the prospect of not being able to view TikTok on their little Chinese screens. All I could say to those morons was - suck it up guys, you had it coming! In the first few hours of the Huawei denial of service attacks, the bewilderment and confusion of being unable to access social media apps soon turned to anger. This was triggered by the fact that the masses were unable to access social media apps to tell one another that they could not access social media apps. They soon realised they couldn’t remember any contact details of any of their virtual friends, or why they were virtual friends in the first place. Neither could they remember where they were, or where anything else was, or how to find their way around the real world at all. And without the Uber app they found themselves physically marooned within the perimeters of their ignorance. Deliveroo failed to respond the following day, so to avoid starvation, people who had a strong sense of smell managed to find their way to MacDonalds. But the computers were down and riots began when the Cola ran out, as slow-motion customers blamed Covid19 for the fact that China and the USA were having a software spat. That night, the younger, more active elements of society went on the rampage and looted Tescos for pot noodles, which was a total waste of effort because the electric kettles no longer worked, thanks to smart-meter reliance on dodgy apps. Tuesday evening, after martial law and compulsory prayers, the county lines failed to supply recreational drugs to their app-driven client base, and hospitals were targeted to fill the gap in the market. Amusing video clips of the descent into chaos were not shared, not because of any sense of social responsibility but because Instagram was kaput. This added to the howling rage of the mob more than somewhat. Then, not long after the dogs began to disappear, the hunting of the weak began, and there was the smell of woodsmoke and bacon in the air. On a more positive note, a lot of overweight people slimmed down fast and learned new skills like shadow puppetry and crossbow production. And so it was that all those predictions how civilisation would end as the result of electro-magnetic-pulse attacks turned out to be wrong. There was no need to launch missiles, zap communications or fry every electronic circuit in the land. All it took was an old man with an orange face to start a pissing contest. The irony that the old man’s preferred means of communication was Twitter is not lost on me, but then I don’t need Google Maps to tell me that we’re all up shit creek without a paddle. And that, dear reader, is how come we all ended up on the Huawei to Hell.

24
Nov

Black Friday Jeeni PC Sale On Now!

Jeeni are excited to announce that we will be taking part in the Black Friday sales madness by offering 5% off all exclusive Jeeni products with discount code BF2021, available now!  Save up to £85 for a Jeeni PC that best suits you, whether it’s gaming, productivity or storage.  Chillblast is the UK’s most awarded PC manufacturer and so Jeeni are delighted to be partnered with them with these exclusive Jeeni PCs. PCs designed for musicians and creatives Free UK delivery Five year warranty 5% off with code BF2021 Trust Pilot: five star rating Ready-built or customisable to suit your needs Free Jeeni membership with each order, worth £85 Finance options available Get a Jeeni PC for an all-time lowest price at: https://www.chillblast.com/celebrity-pcs/jeeni-pcs 

10
Dec

Deadline for Kickstart Employment Opportunity set for December the 17th

The governmental Kickstart scheme was introduced by Rishi Sunak as a response to covid-19 and the difficulty it created in employment for young people. Since its implementation last September, the initiative has boosted the careers of over 100,000 young people in the UK (figure from November, 2021). This scheme has revolutionised the way young people find their passion, career and purpose in a time when they need it most. That's why Jeeni is so proud to be making good use of the Kickstart scheme to train, support and build the portfolios of people aged 16-24 and on universal credit.  Available only on or before the 17th of December, 2021, here's why you can't afford not to take this opportunity. The Kickstart scheme is invaluable for both employers and employees, because companies can build a workforce at no cost to them, and young people get paid positions in the industry of their passion. The Government provides the grants to cover 100% of wages and national insurance contributions for well-qualified, pre-screened young workers on universal credit. The positions span across 6 months for up to 25 hours work a week and you receive a £1,500 cash injection into your business for each new person you take on with Kickstart.   Find out more about universal credit here: https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit Although the governmental Kickstart scheme itself provides this crucial helping hand for companies and graduates, websites like Gradfuel are vital in guiding those graduates to the perfect Kickstart role for their careers.  Gradfuel is a mediator between the Kickstart scheme and those it was designed to help. They provide an interpersonal and proactive connection to young people looking for a career path and “matches you with the perfect graduate jobs”. The pool of possibilities after education can seem endless and overwhelming, so a company like Gradfuel that takes you by the hand and leads you to a company that needs you as much as you need them is an extraordinarily valuable service.   Gradfuel has a 97% success rate for Kickstart applications and each one will earn over £7,500 across their 6-month placement. They have over 65,000 young people in their database and have raised £18.3 million in grant funding.  Happy customers such as friend-finding app, ‘Fethr’ have praised Gradfuel’s usefulness and outreach saying, “The learnings from Gradfuel and their expertise around the scheme, has saved us a lot of time, as they have thousands of candidates they’re engaged with and have really found their groove in attracting talent”. Dating app, ‘Thursday’ have also expressed their satisfaction with Gradfuel’s connection between the Kickstart scheme and young people, “Gradfuel are brilliant, they've helped us source all our young talent, from anything to data analysts to marketers, we've been very impressed.”   Visit: https://grants.gradfuel.co/direct-applications/ to find out more about Gradfuel and to sign up. Remember, the registration deadline is on December the 17th, 2021. Jeeni can personally attest to the effectiveness and value of using the Kickstart scheme through Gradfuel. Zak Ahmed, Jeeni’s HR specialist had this to say about the opportunity, "The Kickstart Scheme has helped me gain the vital experience I need as a recent Masters graduate. I've found a very meaningful role here at Jeeni, where I'm progressing quicker than I could've imagined!". Ella Venvell used Gradfuel to find her Kickstart position as Jeeni’s Artist Liaison and Marketing Leader, “The kickstart scheme has given me an invaluable experience which has helped me learn about the professional world as well as given me the time to develop myself and my portfolio.” and with regards to Gradfuel, Ella said that it’s “helped me find a job doing what I love, and am hoping to do as my lifetime career."  In many ways, the Kickstart scheme is the lifeblood of Jeeni; it’s the reason we can support up-and-coming artists, it’s the reason we can provide an invaluable service for viewers to discover new talent and it’s the reason you can read about it all, right now.  Check out some of the Inside Stories carried out by Jeeni's own Kickstart employees: https://jeeni.com/?s=inside+story If this interests you either as a company or a potential employee, act fast as the registration deadline for the Kickstart scheme is on December the 17th.  Follow: https://grants.gradfuel.co/direct-applications/ to sign up now or learn more about gradfuel and the Kickstart scheme.